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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Last Apologydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jessa
    ASL Info:    29/f/pa
    Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 221/209/73
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 1136
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1111



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Last Apologydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tears in the form of words
    Tangled throughout the pages
    Confusion and anxiety
    Passed down through the ages
    You couldn't identify the demons
    For they hide underneath the skin
    Even the soldier of integrity
    Denies the cost of sin
    Poisened by the plague
    This blood once pure
    Prayers gone untouched
    I reach for the cure
    Time is lost
    As reality fades away
    The pain releases
    As my smile decays
    A shattered mirror
    Scattered to the ground
    I leave these words
    Where my body will be found

    No longer will I stand
    Only to fall
    No longer will I climb
    Only to crawl
    I will not close these eyes
    Only to suffer a tear
    I will not watch the ball drop
    To reflect another year

    The tension is gone
    My mind is rested
    I take comfort on the floor
    As my last breath is digested

    I leave you alone
    In hopes you will see
    My pain was denied
    With this last apology




    Submitted on 2005-09-26 17:59:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "You couldn't identify the demons
    For they hide underneath the skin"

    This part kept repeating itself in my mind as I read the whole piece.

    "Even the soldier of integrity
    Denies the cost of sin" This gave a haunting chill that for some reason was comforting.

    "The tension is gone
    My mind is rested
    I take comfort on the floor
    As my last breath is digested

    I leave you alone
    In hopes you will see
    My pain was denied
    With this last apology"

    I think these two stanzas were my favorite throughtout the whole piece.
    "My pain was denied with this last apology"
    I think that struck a tender spot with me, something I can relate to well.
    I like your writting Jessa I think I'll have to divulge in it a little more!
    | Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a really good peice. i thought the flow and structure of the peice was well thought out and put together. so great job on that. on a personal note i thought that the poem was amazing. and i cannot really say to much about the topic as i have written about the same topic too. one of m y favorite parts though was this
    "Tears in the form of words
    Tangled throughout the pages"

    "No longer will I stand
    Only to fall
    No longer will I climb
    Only to crawl
    I will not close these eyes
    Only to suffer a tear
    I will not watch the ball drop
    To reflect another year"

    those were just some of the parts that stood out to me. great job keep it up...Joy
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      i found the previous comment kind of insensitive in some sense, obviously i am sorry you lost your friend, but that doesn't mean you can insult what someone else is feeling. no one should be forced to feel inadequate.

    i really enjoyed this poem, and the flow and rhyme scheme is marvelous.

    i really liked the line:
    "Tears in the form of words
    Tangled throughout the pages"

    <333
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by jeffiner | [ Reply to This ]
      This was well written. The structure of this poem fit very well with the words. The rhyming was also supurb. Good job, nicely written and keep it up! Ciao.
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
      This would usually get a good comment from me, as I have written many poems about suicide. But my friend Nathan just died, and I think that is very unfair for you to wish your life away, while his was so cruely taken from him. He didn't want to doe, but he did. This really has nothing to do with the structure of your poem, or you. It just saddens me that there are so many people who want to die, and others who don't but the end up dying. I don't know... I am sorry if I offended you in any way. I am just frustrated at seeing the same idea over and over.
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    75648

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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