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The Well Of Life Hid In The Sand

Author: Car va g o
ASL Info:    35/M/NY
Elite Ratio:    7.84 - 180 /185 /45
Words: 70
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1575
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 423


I wrote this recently. I concider it a flexing of my metric muscles. Something that is not entirely natural to me. I have however solved some of the mysteries for myself. A special thanks to Sir Edward Dyer and Mr. Edmund Spencer for some very good advice (wink). You will of course note that it has a period feel to it. Oh, this is dedicated to my daughter Isabella.

The Well Of Life Hid In The Sand

Her elfin face pressed next to mine
With sun-like warmth her touch divine
That in my arms her tender frame
I wrapped twice round with strength untamed
And in my cellar dark and dank
Anew grew roots of love that drank
The well of life hid in the sand
A treasure chest by pirates hand,
This fortune I bequeath to her
For all the joy her life has stirred.

Submitted on 2005-09-26 18:48:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Okay, Marco, this was great - except for one line - in my basement dark and dank. It's a beautiful love story to your daughter - so what is your dark scary basement doing in it?

I think you must have already changed it after PhantomPen's comment, because when I read it before, it didn't read quite this smoothly. It's got a lovely feel to it except that for that spooky trip down to the basement. I'm sorry. That line REALLY bothers me.

One other comment - I like the fact that your rhymes aren't perfect. Rhymes that are very often fall into the 'simple' trap, sort of Dr. Seussian, if you understand what I mean. Here we get the rhyming feel with real words instead of focusing so strongly on the rhyme.

Anyway, a beautiful poem to your daughter - now get her out of the basement! mae
| Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
  fantastic... this was beautiful... i'm feeling kinda light headed right now so i can't really think of much to say about it... but maybe THAT can speak my praise... i'm sick, and my head isn't working right and yet i was still able to find absolute beauty in this piece... the perfect flow that never let up or skipped a beat, the great rhyme that complimented the flow... and it was all wrapped in a beautiful story of love... fantastic
| Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]

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