Resurrection by jassal

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Submission Name: Resurrection dots

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Author:	jassal
ASL Info:	20/m/india
Elite Ratio:	3.41 - 57/37/6
Words:	77

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	224
Average Vote:	2.0000
Bytes:	595

Description:
this 'poem' came out of me one day. i guess its about a ghost lover or the voice of insanity speaking in my head.
i have tried to give it a form of a verse of 6 lines first 4 alternating with phrases and then a word (this does break down in the last verse)
please give honest feed back, u dont need to be polite!

Resurrection dots

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She speaks like an angel,
Sublime beauty,
Urging me on,
Seducing,
I do her bidding,
I my lust.

Her voice increases,
Decibels,
Headaches lead to flashes,
Pain,
She wants it all,
More & more.

I have weathered storms,
Darkness,
Walked on a bed of nails,
pain,
Just for her,
Yet she hungers.

Soon I will fade,
Death,
To let her grow,
Strength,
I did it all for her,
She will live,
Again.

Submitted on 2005-09-27 07:25:19 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Wait, who is being resurrected? The witch seductress who has already consumed the speaker's life? As a poem it left me very uncomfortable. First, the speaker gives all his/her own energies to the seductress and when that is spent the seductress seems to require even the corpse for food. Wow. I can't say that I like it, but I do recognize the skill it required to write.
| Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by maptoheaven | [ Reply to This ]
  This personification piece of obsession is well done! It's like a relationship internally and almost like you "self" is the weaker of the two.
Good job!
Love,Peace,Joy! tif
| Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  jassal, your poem was very well written and quite expressive. I really enjoyed it and did not notice the breakdown of structure at the end in my reading. The only flaw I found was in the 1st verse in that "Seducing, I do her bidding,
I my lust." doesn't make any sense. Maybe the last line should be "In my lust"? Anyway nice write overall. -oixi
| Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by oixi | [ Reply to This ]
  ummm...your poem takes me back to the era of knights and quests...you know that poem about a beautiful woman who is hundreds of yrs old and a knights walks into her forest...he is on a quest for his love...the woman is a seductress...a witch and she tries to lure man to their deaths...she stands in the forest and starts to cry, the knights stops and falls in love w/ her...she kisses him and kills him...I forgot the peom, it's by John Keats...

I liked the poem for its simplicity yet at the same time for its intensity...each line was short to the point but the next one added to it...
good job.
-stacey-
| Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked everything but the first verse.
I can't really explain why it just didn't grab me if you know what I mean. The flow sort of urged the person to go with it until it ended...
anyway good write. keep writing!
J~O
| Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this piece a great deal. It was very creative and descriptive. The flow was just excellent and it kept me interested from beginning to end. Great job, I can't wait to read more!
Alissa
| Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by Geraldine | [ Reply to This ]
  Wonderfully simple and lyrical,
much in the vain of the romantic movement of the 1800's.

I like the growing sense of obession.
| Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by SageContagious | [ Reply to This ]

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