Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Strikedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1199



    Description:
       Wrote this back in August after going bowling for the very first time ever. The drink I had was called a pink flamingo. I highly recommend it!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStrikedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I take a sip of my drink.
    I'm having such a good time.
    I finally feel free again,
    And he's the farthest thing from my mind.
    The music's bumping pretty loud.
    The beat works it's way into my hips.
    I laugh and salute my best friend,
    Raise my glass to my lips.
    She's happy to see me smile.
    She slips her arm around my waist.
    I offer her my cup and,
    She takes a little taste.
    Then, it's my turn to bowl.
    I knock over a couple of pins.
    Then I wait for the ball to come back
    So I can try it again.
    I never thought I could have so much fun
    When my one love isn't here.
    I raise my glass to his best friend,
    Who pours himself another beer.
    The four of us all laugh together
    And I'm so happy to be alive
    After the breakup that ripped my heart from my chest,
    The one I'm still trying to survive.
    But I'm here, and I'm happy, and I'm laughing.
    And I'm really feeling the flow.
    I never thought that this would happen.
    It seems I'm finally letting him go.




    Submitted on 2005-09-27 09:48:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nicely done. I liked your inbuilt reference to the circle of lost love and return in the bowling ball coming back, very clever.

    Small thing: I'd make the music "pumping" instead of bumping.

    I really liked this, especially the uplifting sentiment at the end. A nice change from the usual...

    Well done indeed

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write of a fun time out...maybe try a rum runner...or a blue motorcycle...next time...laugh...reading this...reminds me of two friends who are staying here with me...Becky for a few weeks...visiting, Suzanna longer...but I see her longing for California soon...life has became more full...rich from the love I have for each of them...tends to lift my heart when I'm sad and thinking about someone I love...this is what I thought about reading this work.
    Very original and I liked the style...looking forward to reading more of your writes know that I'm sorta back...
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    75708

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Live In Between written by teika5
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry