[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Strikedots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1199

       Wrote this back in August after going bowling for the very first time ever. The drink I had was called a pink flamingo. I highly recommend it!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I take a sip of my drink.
    I'm having such a good time.
    I finally feel free again,
    And he's the farthest thing from my mind.
    The music's bumping pretty loud.
    The beat works it's way into my hips.
    I laugh and salute my best friend,
    Raise my glass to my lips.
    She's happy to see me smile.
    She slips her arm around my waist.
    I offer her my cup and,
    She takes a little taste.
    Then, it's my turn to bowl.
    I knock over a couple of pins.
    Then I wait for the ball to come back
    So I can try it again.
    I never thought I could have so much fun
    When my one love isn't here.
    I raise my glass to his best friend,
    Who pours himself another beer.
    The four of us all laugh together
    And I'm so happy to be alive
    After the breakup that ripped my heart from my chest,
    The one I'm still trying to survive.
    But I'm here, and I'm happy, and I'm laughing.
    And I'm really feeling the flow.
    I never thought that this would happen.
    It seems I'm finally letting him go.

    Submitted on 2005-09-27 09:48:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Nicely done. I liked your inbuilt reference to the circle of lost love and return in the bowling ball coming back, very clever.

    Small thing: I'd make the music "pumping" instead of bumping.

    I really liked this, especially the uplifting sentiment at the end. A nice change from the usual...

    Well done indeed

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write of a fun time out...maybe try a rum runner...or a blue motorcycle...next time...laugh...reading this...reminds me of two friends who are staying here with me...Becky for a few weeks...visiting, Suzanna longer...but I see her longing for California soon...life has became more full...rich from the love I have for each of them...tends to lift my heart when I'm sad and thinking about someone I love...this is what I thought about reading this work.
    Very original and I liked the style...looking forward to reading more of your writes know that I'm sorta back...
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Records I written by Raphael




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]