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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Strikedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1199



    Description:
       Wrote this back in August after going bowling for the very first time ever. The drink I had was called a pink flamingo. I highly recommend it!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStrikedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I take a sip of my drink.
    I'm having such a good time.
    I finally feel free again,
    And he's the farthest thing from my mind.
    The music's bumping pretty loud.
    The beat works it's way into my hips.
    I laugh and salute my best friend,
    Raise my glass to my lips.
    She's happy to see me smile.
    She slips her arm around my waist.
    I offer her my cup and,
    She takes a little taste.
    Then, it's my turn to bowl.
    I knock over a couple of pins.
    Then I wait for the ball to come back
    So I can try it again.
    I never thought I could have so much fun
    When my one love isn't here.
    I raise my glass to his best friend,
    Who pours himself another beer.
    The four of us all laugh together
    And I'm so happy to be alive
    After the breakup that ripped my heart from my chest,
    The one I'm still trying to survive.
    But I'm here, and I'm happy, and I'm laughing.
    And I'm really feeling the flow.
    I never thought that this would happen.
    It seems I'm finally letting him go.




    Submitted on 2005-09-27 09:48:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nicely done. I liked your inbuilt reference to the circle of lost love and return in the bowling ball coming back, very clever.

    Small thing: I'd make the music "pumping" instead of bumping.

    I really liked this, especially the uplifting sentiment at the end. A nice change from the usual...

    Well done indeed

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write of a fun time out...maybe try a rum runner...or a blue motorcycle...next time...laugh...reading this...reminds me of two friends who are staying here with me...Becky for a few weeks...visiting, Suzanna longer...but I see her longing for California soon...life has became more full...rich from the love I have for each of them...tends to lift my heart when I'm sad and thinking about someone I love...this is what I thought about reading this work.
    Very original and I liked the style...looking forward to reading more of your writes know that I'm sorta back...
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]


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