Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Strikedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 604
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1199



    Description:
       Wrote this back in August after going bowling for the very first time ever. The drink I had was called a pink flamingo. I highly recommend it!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStrikedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I take a sip of my drink.
    I'm having such a good time.
    I finally feel free again,
    And he's the farthest thing from my mind.
    The music's bumping pretty loud.
    The beat works it's way into my hips.
    I laugh and salute my best friend,
    Raise my glass to my lips.
    She's happy to see me smile.
    She slips her arm around my waist.
    I offer her my cup and,
    She takes a little taste.
    Then, it's my turn to bowl.
    I knock over a couple of pins.
    Then I wait for the ball to come back
    So I can try it again.
    I never thought I could have so much fun
    When my one love isn't here.
    I raise my glass to his best friend,
    Who pours himself another beer.
    The four of us all laugh together
    And I'm so happy to be alive
    After the breakup that ripped my heart from my chest,
    The one I'm still trying to survive.
    But I'm here, and I'm happy, and I'm laughing.
    And I'm really feeling the flow.
    I never thought that this would happen.
    It seems I'm finally letting him go.




    Submitted on 2005-09-27 09:48:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nicely done. I liked your inbuilt reference to the circle of lost love and return in the bowling ball coming back, very clever.

    Small thing: I'd make the music "pumping" instead of bumping.

    I really liked this, especially the uplifting sentiment at the end. A nice change from the usual...

    Well done indeed

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write of a fun time out...maybe try a rum runner...or a blue motorcycle...next time...laugh...reading this...reminds me of two friends who are staying here with me...Becky for a few weeks...visiting, Suzanna longer...but I see her longing for California soon...life has became more full...rich from the love I have for each of them...tends to lift my heart when I'm sad and thinking about someone I love...this is what I thought about reading this work.
    Very original and I liked the style...looking forward to reading more of your writes know that I'm sorta back...
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    75708

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    The Promise written by annie0888
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To written by SavedDragon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bond written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry