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    dots Submission Name: The Feardots

    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 568
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 775

       Very dark piece ... please comment

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Feardots

    As I sit here alone in this dark room
    my mind starts taking me around
    in front of me a tortured book
    I eye it and then give it a look
    Letting my thoughts wonder
    My phsyche crumbling at the thought
    Million tortured faces
    all coming at once haunting me
    The tortured are now torturing me
    The fear now overcoming me
    The freaks of nightmare are alive
    They come to life every night
    They all reside in my mind
    Half faced monsters
    Freakish looking arms
    Eyes so red and haunting
    and yet vibrant like the stars
    This is the world I live in
    This is where I stay at
    This is the place of the creatures
    The Fear becoming true

    Submitted on 2005-09-27 17:56:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i realy like this poem it is very dark as you say it is. i like hoiw you keep it worded simple and not to many complicated words, even though i use complicated words alot, but the wording seems to flow very well in this poem. nice write.
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes... dark... very dark. I love it. That's so creepy. The imagery is excellent. I almost felt like I was there... lol glad I wasnt though. I like the rhyming. I like that it could apply to so many things and be interpreted different ways. That is awesome. Excellent... and kind of scary lol

    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Dude if this is what you are diggin right now I am flippin sorry yo...the things that you describe are kinda creepy...I think it is a great write...dark, nice.

    Peace Love and Empathy
    Jazmine Swaim
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This is surely a very dark poem! It has depth to it as it speaks of something from within you and your own awareness of it. The title also very nicely suits this poem. One spelling correction needed here with 'psyche' but otherwise grammar here is very good. Maybe try not using the word 'me' so often. Not that it is bad but a bit repetitive in the beginning of the poem. Overall, this is good. Very scary things you are describing here and sounds to be very torturous to say the least! Take care!

    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Liked the imagery it was great...Once again...leave me guessing what exactly you are writing about...It was good...You were right I like it! lol
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by deathbelow | [ Reply to This ]
      Although the feelings you are trying to convey in this are fairly evident, I can't help but think this would be improved by more careful word selection. The, They, This and me repeat far to often and in many cases could even be removed, with the obvious rhyme in the 2nd/3rd line almost jar's this free verse off kilter before it even begins.
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by RandomFX | [ Reply to This ]

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