A Love Revealed by I_Bleed

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Submission Name: A Love Revealed dots

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Author:	I_Bleed_Ink
Elite Ratio:	5.56 - 183/176/53
Words:	80

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	266
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	599

Description:
more babbling rather than actually writing my paper...ah, my study habits amaze me. ^_^

A Love Revealed dots

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Sweet tears of the child once lost
grace ghostly cheeks—
a suicidal soul now found.

Waxen hands clench
fists of delusional hate,
distraught by the alien idea
of love willingly given.

Such foreign concepts,
fancies of the foolishly simple—
but altogether warming,
and just a tad frightening.

Discovery of a mother,
a friend, a lover—
no end in sight,
no daunting horizon,
the killer of dreams.
Just the welcoming glow
of the life she’d been missing.

Submitted on 2005-09-27 20:35:03 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hmmmmmmmmmmm...Like always I love reading your poetry hun weather your trying to write something good or not lol (its always good in my book).But anyways let me get back to my evaluation I liked the selection of words and the rhyming cause god knows i'm a rhyming fanatic(I have to make up a word to rhyme with orange so I can finish my poem(s) lol).But all in all I liked it cause it was nice,short,sweet,and once again like all the poems I read of yours it inspires and thrives me to keep trying my hardest to be the best poet I can be. Well I'll hit you up lata aight.1 love
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by C. Flava | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem I like

It gives the message that i write a lot of my poems about

It screams children wake up and grasp life before it fades away leaving you with an empty shell that no longer can achieve life

I will definately be looking at more of your writes
Very well written

Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
I think you will like them

Take Care
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey hun what up sorry I haven't commented on none of your poems lately i've just been extremly busy, but now I have the time to check out what you been writtting... Hmmmm lets see I like format, the good use of vocabulary(unlike mine lol), and I love the way you used that vocabulary in this poem all in all and once again you made a good write.. well to me anyways but hell what do I know lol. I'm gonna check on some more of writes since it's been awhile ok. 1 love
| Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by C. Flava | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like your writing style. This poem, on first glance, seems very angsty, but as I read it, it gets less and less angstlike. Although I very much enjoy the eloquent flow you are able to articulate, there are some things in the poem that either I am unable to interpret the meaning of, or it just doesn't make any sense..

The very first line, "Sweet tears of the child once lost", implies that you have regained your childlike innocence, or you are crying for childlike reasons, but then the third line goes on to say "a suicidal soul now found". I don't think these really make much sense together... Not only these two lines in relationship to one another, but also just the latter line. If this poem is about love, which indeed it appears to be, why is there even a notion of suicide?

I think the second and third stanzas are perfect.

In the fourth stanza, the third to fourth lines really don't make any sense to me either.. I think I am just missing whatyou are trying to say. How do you go from "the killer of dreams" straight to "Just welcoming the glow"? If you could perhaps make this small section a little easier to understand or interpret, or just enlighten me as to what you were trying to say if I am just being dense (it happens often), that'd be great. Again, very eloquent and great line control. Other than those two parts I mentioned, I think this poem is quite nice.

~Jared
| Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by Jared | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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5. Which parts?
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8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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