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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Doublecrossing Jordandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: honus
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 90/96/32
    Words: 498
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 787
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 3674



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDoublecrossing Jordandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Jordan,
    opened his hands,
    blades of grass fell back down
    to join the living.
    Water rounded stones
    surrounded him.
    His skin swallowed the sunlight
    streaming through the leaves.
    So tranquil yet.....
    The whizz of humming
    electricity fused into his ears
    and he screamed.
    A howl
    that bounced down the path
    across the high rock cliffs
    splashed against the falls
    below,then died.
    The springs were ice in July,
    tourists floundered blue lipped
    through the gathering
    pool,up into
    the weight of water.
    The hiss and crash
    from fifty feet above
    drank their throats
    dry of sound and breath.

    Jordan,
    screamed again,
    to drown
    the smashing waters
    challenging his voice.
    He absently scooped a handfull
    of dirt from the trail,
    rolled it into his mouth.
    Grey spittle
    spilled down his chin.
    He squatted
    in the ferns below the path,
    glared at the steady flow of
    strangers going by,
    mumbling three parts
    of a conversation
    happening inside his head,
    itermittent bursts
    of garbled screams and
    wild tattered frenzy.

    Jordan,
    had faded
    into blue wierdness
    and left us strangled
    by circumstance.
    A woman fleeing up the long path
    stopped Trip and I
    "It sounds like he's on something,
    he take anything?"
    she asked
    as her eyes puddled away from
    the center of her face
    and collected themselves
    at her temples.
    No.
    Trip stared,
    bewildered.
    We walked away
    from the melted woman,
    decided on a plan of action.
    3 miles out to the main road
    a quick left and

    Jordan
    would be a memory
    in the rearview.
    We floated through
    some stuttered semblance
    of a conversation.
    Trip would not
    leave him behind.
    "When he comes to
    he'll be lost,
    and I'll have to answer
    for it"
    A gallant philosophy,
    but Trip
    was not equipped
    to deal with the authorities,
    so it was down to me.
    With a flimsy alibi
    I found the park rangers.

    "Jordan,"
    I told them
    "had just returned
    from Desert Storm
    and obviously
    suffered from
    some form
    of combat delusion."
    The rangers
    stood at the top of the path
    and said
    "good luck with that."
    They were afraid
    the sight of their uniforms
    would send him down
    deeper into whatever
    hell he had descended.
    Trip and I started down the path.
    The screams stopped.
    The path empty.
    The tourists gone.
    Half way down we found

    Jordan
    in the middle
    of the trail.
    Clothes shredded,
    he was covered in scars
    bleeding slightly from his head.
    Hands on hips
    "Where'd everybody go?"
    His pupils were still huge
    but at least he had regained
    his ability to interact
    with real people.
    As we walked up the path
    toward my car
    and our escape
    I said,

    "Jordan,
    what possessed you
    to take two of those things
    when you know
    half of one
    sends you sideways?




    Submitted on 2005-09-27 21:50:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      your writing feels so whimsical to this man, buried below his ears in devastating silence, following these characters, and at the same time reading from their actions, several fingers pointed me in the way of danger, but a deadening harsh reality, so much pain but most of it swallowing itself up, not much left to attach to the reader's eyes..so the nature and the broken air is all that is surrounding those who are willing to breathe in the scene, the framed portrait of these decisions that bring together the most strained of friendships, for something undescribable is occuring inside of each one of them.
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by Reckoner | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I don't know if it's supposed to be a comedy or not - I didn't laugh, anyway, although I will admit to a smile at the last stanza. I thought the piece was great. An incredible description of an incident that made everyone uncomfortable, knowing something needed to be done but not knowing what.

    It was a neat twist to find that you really knew what was going on all the time and just wanted to get away from it .

    I really liked this. mae
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      ROLFMAO... Oh this is priceless, I love it! I love every little thing about it, the short lines presenting it like little snatches of thought or pieces of breath... But your ending was just too funny! This was my best laugh of the week so far, thank you!
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]


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