Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Dark Light

Author: Chicool2
ASL Info:    17/f/Pennsylvania
Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 266 /260 /60
Words: 106
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 938
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 658


My comeback from the past 4 months. I tried. What do you think?

Dark Light

The desolation between dark and light
Love and hate
Sweet and tart
Are all the same from the eyes.

You never knew the pain
And anxiety of the anticipation
Growing ever more.

A kiss that opened my world
Let me to show passion
Led me to temptation.

But somehow
I was led away
That kiss was simply a kiss
And the passion is never more.

I've passed you several times
Small talk is all that is left.
Help me to love again?
Show me how to open up?

Are you willing to change your ways...?

Submitted on 2005-09-28 07:08:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  This is a good write where you definately express the hurt that was dealt to you very well
I hope you can realise you learned mant lessons from this relationship which you can use to make the next relationship perfect
God Bless
Your Friend
| Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm going to take a guess here, but did this someone cheat on you or something? You left them because of that and they want to be back with you. Only guessing! You don't have to tell me if you don't want me to.
Well anyways about the poem. It was good, but the flow could have gone a little better, but what am I saying I'm only a 14 year old revolutionary writer. I'm a rebel. It was good, but not to full of emotions. BUt it got your feelings across pretty well.
| Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by akaietowa-ru_18 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?