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    dots Submission Name: Dogwoodsdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 844
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 768

       Almost a true story, my mommy didn't die but she was all broken hearted...tell me what you think...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    the breeze lifted her skirts and danced about her ankles
    the sun cast down a friendly smile
    her hands wove through the trees
    she picked the berries and sang awhile

    her hair fell around her face
    reflecting other hues
    she really was so pretty
    the sky was so blue

    she picked and she thought
    she lived in another time
    she closed her eyes and she sought
    a place inside her mind

    she sang and she dreamed
    she skipped to another day
    but things were not as they seemed
    to a watcher observing her play

    just above the trees
    her mother lay in bed
    sick with tears and a broken heart
    and a bullet in her head

    Submitted on 2005-09-28 08:48:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow evil turn of fate... Everything so peaceful and nature just so calm... the wind that went had a meaning for me though as I read the last three lines... It symbolized someone leaving for good nice foreshadowing that you have there... Very descriptive about everything... The cheerfulness of a child... The innocence of not knowing better... and towards the end BLAM... cant take it anymore by her mom who killed herself... You are a nice writter... Really enjoy reading your work... even though it made me sad to know the mom dies... or kills herself... anyways good write and you know i always look for your work...

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      Eeeek! I wasn't expecting that. This reminds me of one of Poe's works or someone else along those lines... Everything is fine and dandy, though you find out in the end that it really isn't. Great job, jaz.
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was a great write. Beginning out younger in site. And ending in adult version. Was so cool. Keep up the good writing.
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I was slightly dubious, but a very emphatic closure swung my opinions. A very sensitive display of thoughts, contrasting the beautiful trouble-free youth with the soul guttering depressions of adulthood some might experience.
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]

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