[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Dogwoodsdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 854
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 768

       Almost a true story, my mommy didn't die but she was all broken hearted...tell me what you think...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    the breeze lifted her skirts and danced about her ankles
    the sun cast down a friendly smile
    her hands wove through the trees
    she picked the berries and sang awhile

    her hair fell around her face
    reflecting other hues
    she really was so pretty
    the sky was so blue

    she picked and she thought
    she lived in another time
    she closed her eyes and she sought
    a place inside her mind

    she sang and she dreamed
    she skipped to another day
    but things were not as they seemed
    to a watcher observing her play

    just above the trees
    her mother lay in bed
    sick with tears and a broken heart
    and a bullet in her head

    Submitted on 2005-09-28 08:48:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow evil turn of fate... Everything so peaceful and nature just so calm... the wind that went had a meaning for me though as I read the last three lines... It symbolized someone leaving for good nice foreshadowing that you have there... Very descriptive about everything... The cheerfulness of a child... The innocence of not knowing better... and towards the end BLAM... cant take it anymore by her mom who killed herself... You are a nice writter... Really enjoy reading your work... even though it made me sad to know the mom dies... or kills herself... anyways good write and you know i always look for your work...

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      Eeeek! I wasn't expecting that. This reminds me of one of Poe's works or someone else along those lines... Everything is fine and dandy, though you find out in the end that it really isn't. Great job, jaz.
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was a great write. Beginning out younger in site. And ending in adult version. Was so cool. Keep up the good writing.
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I was slightly dubious, but a very emphatic closure swung my opinions. A very sensitive display of thoughts, contrasting the beautiful trouble-free youth with the soul guttering depressions of adulthood some might experience.
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dream written by closetpoet
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    The World written by jjd
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]