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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Smoking Gundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dmm
    ASL Info:    50/M/Minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 741/888/102
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1308
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1205



    Description:
       A discussion around the camp fire about how people get so screwed up and what the heII can you do about it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSmoking Gundots
    -------------------------------------------


    A smoking gun hangs loose in his hand
    the little boy now a wanted man.
    Desperately trying to find the reason
    life had come to this dreary season.

    How could the choices that seemed so right
    lead to this cold and lonely night?
    Why was he blind to the truth he now sees,
    it's icy fingers buckle his knees.

    He only sought what he felt should be,
    born in a childhood surrounded in 'me'.
    Festered and fed year after year,
    never a 'no' only 'yes dear'.

    Carelessly callous of those he taunted,
    always given all that he wanted,
    All that he wanted except for true caring,
    left on lifes sea without any bearing.

    The news doesn't speak of a child neglected,
    how the lack of discipline left him infected.
    No respect for his neighbor or humanity,
    unaware of what it really means to be free.

    Just the story of a house filled with death
    and a trail that led to a boy on meth,
    Who is yet to understand the depth of his err,
    as we ponder the question 'Why should we care?'




    Submitted on 2005-09-29 07:14:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very good one Dan. Your flow, rhythm and rhyme are as usual, very good.

    Definitely keep up the great work and have a wonderful and blessed day.
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      The line s how the lack of discipline left him infected, really struck a note dan,as I see so many parents who spear the rod and spoil the child parents who can't say no to them .its sad for you write just what all to often happens when kids are left to drift.A good honest view and poem I like it had lots of deepmeaning to to it
    adnil
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      So very true, Dan. After my husband retired from truck driving, he became a security officer for the Chgo Public Schools. This went on daily. Parents came into the school high all the time. And got angry with him when told they could not remain there.
    What really agrevating is all you hear about is the war on drugs. We havent even started the battle yet. Great job on this one, Dan.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow that was one of the only poems that has ever truly pulled me in! Great job you just kept it flowing and ended it at the right time! This is a sad and very true poem and unfortunately probably based on true events. I liked your form and hope to hear more from you Good write Peace Mysterious
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by Mysterious Blue | [ Reply to This ]
      i typically don't like reading poems that are of a serious nature that rhyme. but, this is contrary to that belief. it flowed well, never seemed forced. it was very descriptive and flowed right off the tongue. well done.
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by colagirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I just popped in to look around and i am so glad i did!This so real!Trust me i know from experience. THERE IS WISDOM IN YOUR WORDS.Keep going!
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by poppa jon | [ Reply to This ]
      this reminds me of a woman who hangs around down here in our neighborhood who has (had) a son that has some very serious problems but she always sided with him, believed his lies and did not see what he was up to behind her back. he used to get angry and take it out on animals and then tell his mom and grandmother that someone else did it. they believed him. they even tried to blame my son for some of the stuff the kid did. the mother is on crack and just had another child. the grandmother is a certified nut case on medication, who thankfully no longer lives around here. I feel sorry for the second child as well as I don't imagine he will turn out any better. and it's not their fault but at some point in their lives they have to make it their responsibility to become better people and whether or not they'll be able to is another story. excellent poem about a very sad thing.
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Dan
    How do you say...You hit the nail on the head?

    Very well written-very well said - you really outdid it this time, I can't say much more
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good Dan. I have known a lot of silver spoon children who are given the "do whatever you want" from parents. They never get diciplined...which leads to lack of respect except for anyone but themselves. And growing up with a "silver spoon" does not necessarily mean growing up with money, ya know?

    Thanks for sharing such a thought provoking write. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


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