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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hiding in the Darkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokensmile
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 241/326/148
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 773
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 923



    Description:
       


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    dotsHiding in the Darkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My razor whispered me a poem
    and I smiled as i allowed his metal bite
    to write lovely words
    slowly within my terrible blood
    he said my selfishness tasted good
    he said my heart was warm and cold
    all at the same time
    and i laughed because
    my pain knew me far more
    than i ever would
    and i cried because my sadness could find me better
    than i ever thought it should

    He tore me apart
    with more than words
    the different colors
    violently colliding with blue vein tracks
    each collapsing before a steady hand
    and i told him that it was enough
    i told him that i had found the remedy
    but i was his addiction
    i meant his survival
    and by the time he was done
    i was nothing more
    than a little girl hiding in the dark.









    Submitted on 2005-09-29 15:53:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow. this is really different, i love how you took a step out of the usual cutter poems & wrote this.
    it speaks in a different way then most.

    'My razor whispered me a poem
    and I smiled as i allowed his metal bite
    to write lovely words
    slowly within my terrible blood
    he said my selfishness tasted good'

    the beginging was well done, it brought me into it with a picture.
    the veiw that you took is one that isnt expected.
    though very true.
    being a cutter once myself, these feelings are so true. but im glad you put in that last part.. my selfishness taste good.. because thats the only we do it. cuz we feel sorry for ourselves.

    'but i was his addiction
    i meant his survival
    and by the time he was done
    i was nothing more
    than a little girl hiding in the dark.'

    it takes us over, as any addiction. & here you showed us that.
    these feelings are so real, you really brought out the truth of what it is.
    cutting, because we think it will make it all better, atleast for a moment, but in the end, we are just kids hiding in the dark.
    ~jennifer

    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem. Dark and full of malice. You rhymed sometimes and I started to wonder, was it meant to or accidental. It definetly helped with the flow.
    I cut a couple times, but I never felt an addiction. I just felt, a little time of peace. Nice to have, in this chaotic, questionable world. But what if you needed more breaks, had a grip on nothing. I guess that could be something.
    I don't cut any more. The world feels to fake afterwards. Everytime. And thats hurts most of all.
    Nice profile pic.
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]


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