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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: Drea
    ASL Info:    18/f/nowhere
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 289/142/53
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 935
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 705

       I was going through a stage.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    If anyone was to look
    Deep inside my soul
    I wonder what they'd find
    Would it be a big black hole
    Or would it be a gold mine
    I cover myself in all black
    To cover up whats inside
    For I wish none to know
    The pain and misery I undergo
    I want no one to find
    The pain and misery that lies inside
    Not a living soul must define
    The bad, shame, discrace, the h*** I face
    So I present myself
    as a blank wall and challenge you to make me truly happy
    Not make me laugh or smile
    But to make me feel happiness in my heart
    But please hurry before
    I completly fall apart.

    Submitted on 2005-09-29 16:48:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      not bad, but with a little revision in structuralization, and the typos it could be even better. Has great emotion, but can be better. be well, take care, and [censored] the world
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting. could tell it was something personal and showed ALOT emotions so thats a plus.

    The pain and misery I undergo

    The pain and misery that lies inside

    usually people tell me how you shouldn't repeat words twice. you should change it around and make more 'colorful' words. but i seem to like those two phrases here. made me think of it as a song and it could possitbly be a song. i cant persoanlly relate to it but i know alot of friends who could and it brings back those pathetic stories they use to tell me.


    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a good write. Pretty good flow. The subject was good. Real feelings of a young teenager. I hope you are happier now. Keep writing. It helps me to write, with my everyday feelings. THank you for sharing with us. God bless.
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]

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