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Description:
I was going through a stage.
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If anyone was to look Deep inside my soul I wonder what they'd find Would it be a big black hole Or would it be a gold mine I cover myself in all black To cover up whats inside For I wish none to know The pain and misery I undergo I want no one to find The pain and misery that lies inside Not a living soul must define The bad, shame, discrace, the h*** I face So I present myself as a blank wall and challenge you to make me truly happy Not make me laugh or smile But to make me feel happiness in my heart But please hurry before I completly fall apart. |
Submitted on 2005-09-29 16:48:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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not bad, but with a little revision in structuralization, and the typos it could be even better. Has great emotion, but can be better. be well, take care, and [censored] the world| | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ] | interesting. could tell it was something personal and showed ALOT emotions so thats a plus. | The pain and misery I undergo The pain and misery that lies inside usually people tell me how you shouldn't repeat words twice. you should change it around and make more 'colorful' words. but i seem to like those two phrases here. made me think of it as a song and it could possitbly be a song. i cant persoanlly relate to it but i know alot of friends who could and it brings back those pathetic stories they use to tell me. lovely. -lado | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ] | It was a good write. Pretty good flow. The subject was good. Real feelings of a young teenager. I hope you are happier now. Keep writing. It helps me to write, with my everyday feelings. THank you for sharing with us. God bless. | | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ] | |
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