Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Starry Eyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Epiphany
    ASL Info:    42/F/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 3342/2139/390
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 657
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 382



    Description:
       ? = Vicodin and Darvocet dreams

    I dreamt I was laying down and as I looked up into the sky I became the stars and sky....

    Needs more I think?

    Love,Peace,Joy!!! tif


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStarry Eyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Constellations
    speak to me
    as I lay down
    and become the stars

    Ancient relations
    I can see
    celestial gown
    Venus dressed in Mars

    My love infinite
    as the sky
    I emmanate
    the Light

    Nothing definite
    obscure am I
    as to radiate
    day to night





    Submitted on 2005-09-29 17:16:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a lovely poem. How wonderful a dream this must have been and certainly inspired a really nice poem. I love the sky at night, especially in the fall. Autumn air brings out the vibrance and brilliance of the moon and stars. I often stargaze. It is truly amazing not only in its view but also in the many questions the mind raises about the universe. So vast and incredible. I like this poem just as it is, but you could certainly elaborate on it as well. So many possibilities here. Overall, a very enjoyable read. Nicely done. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      "As I become a star. . Venus dressed in Mars .."
    I like the image that brings to mind..
    You have a neat way with words Tif.
    A love that is infinite as the sky... <now, that's some kind of love.
    I enjoyed reading this and imagining it in my mind.. and heart.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Tiff, I like everything about this except that tned to agree about it needing something. And I identify that as in the first stanza:

    The Constellations
    speak to me
    as I lay down
    and become the stars

    I think the transition from line 3 to 4 is really quite sudden you could soften the entire mood by using some action to put us there with you..

    as I lay down
    am hurled in sky
    and become the stars.

    the the transitions to ancientness seems more apt, also
    I realize you have used 4 line stanzas, so any thing you like but at least that might help. I love this one Tiff it's a moment in time you share with us, thanks so much. I hope your hand is healing nicely.
    peace and love,

    Nan

    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      mmm, nice and dreamy, Tiff, and I liked all your descriptions of what would be if you were to become the sky.
    More? Of course! It's hard to wreck a poem by making it more, just increases the amount of pleasure!

    Lovely, even for a one-arm

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Tiff -

    Twinkle long come day or night
    Your a constellation shining bright
    Share your glow with all on earth
    To help us realise our worth.

    I liked your poem, it is full of imagery and awe of the heavens.
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      a haze you say(lol)this was good.ryme was excellent.i was intrested because of the astronomer in me.
    i love looking up and wondering.this was short and i agree it needs more.but it was good like it was.

    take another pill and finish(just kidding)
    sorry for the bad humor


    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      My love infinite
    as the sky
    I emmanate
    the Light

    I liked this line a lot; very powerful. Good imagery, and very good choice of words. I really have no criticism, sorry. It was too good a write!

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      Good write. Made me feel like I was there with you in the stars. Thank you for sharing with us.
    You have a refreshing talent. I enjoy reading your work. God bless
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      ooo i like this one.

    this line made me smile
    "and become the stars"

    i feel a real connection to the stars
    i think this captures that
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by andnow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    76007

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry