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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Starry Eyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Epiphany
    ASL Info:    42/F/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 3342/2139/390
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 673
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 382



    Description:
       ? = Vicodin and Darvocet dreams

    I dreamt I was laying down and as I looked up into the sky I became the stars and sky....

    Needs more I think?

    Love,Peace,Joy!!! tif


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStarry Eyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Constellations
    speak to me
    as I lay down
    and become the stars

    Ancient relations
    I can see
    celestial gown
    Venus dressed in Mars

    My love infinite
    as the sky
    I emmanate
    the Light

    Nothing definite
    obscure am I
    as to radiate
    day to night





    Submitted on 2005-09-29 17:16:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a lovely poem. How wonderful a dream this must have been and certainly inspired a really nice poem. I love the sky at night, especially in the fall. Autumn air brings out the vibrance and brilliance of the moon and stars. I often stargaze. It is truly amazing not only in its view but also in the many questions the mind raises about the universe. So vast and incredible. I like this poem just as it is, but you could certainly elaborate on it as well. So many possibilities here. Overall, a very enjoyable read. Nicely done. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      "As I become a star. . Venus dressed in Mars .."
    I like the image that brings to mind..
    You have a neat way with words Tif.
    A love that is infinite as the sky... <now, that's some kind of love.
    I enjoyed reading this and imagining it in my mind.. and heart.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Tiff, I like everything about this except that tned to agree about it needing something. And I identify that as in the first stanza:

    The Constellations
    speak to me
    as I lay down
    and become the stars

    I think the transition from line 3 to 4 is really quite sudden you could soften the entire mood by using some action to put us there with you..

    as I lay down
    am hurled in sky
    and become the stars.

    the the transitions to ancientness seems more apt, also
    I realize you have used 4 line stanzas, so any thing you like but at least that might help. I love this one Tiff it's a moment in time you share with us, thanks so much. I hope your hand is healing nicely.
    peace and love,

    Nan

    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      mmm, nice and dreamy, Tiff, and I liked all your descriptions of what would be if you were to become the sky.
    More? Of course! It's hard to wreck a poem by making it more, just increases the amount of pleasure!

    Lovely, even for a one-arm

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Tiff -

    Twinkle long come day or night
    Your a constellation shining bright
    Share your glow with all on earth
    To help us realise our worth.

    I liked your poem, it is full of imagery and awe of the heavens.
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      a haze you say(lol)this was good.ryme was excellent.i was intrested because of the astronomer in me.
    i love looking up and wondering.this was short and i agree it needs more.but it was good like it was.

    take another pill and finish(just kidding)
    sorry for the bad humor


    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      My love infinite
    as the sky
    I emmanate
    the Light

    I liked this line a lot; very powerful. Good imagery, and very good choice of words. I really have no criticism, sorry. It was too good a write!

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      Good write. Made me feel like I was there with you in the stars. Thank you for sharing with us.
    You have a refreshing talent. I enjoy reading your work. God bless
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      ooo i like this one.

    this line made me smile
    "and become the stars"

    i feel a real connection to the stars
    i think this captures that
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by andnow | [ Reply to This ]


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