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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You are Backdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 707
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 621



    Description:
       I don't know what to say about this one... except maybe that I'm happy that I'm not just writting dark poems anymore


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou are Backdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I thought you were gone
    Never to come back
    Sitting upon this stone
    The slightest movement
    my mind distracts

    The leaves behind me crumbing
    As I slowly turn around
    Can't believe this is happening
    The sight of you got me astound

    Standing up staring at your eyes
    I see a smile on your face
    Removing the frown
    That mine possesed

    Smiling back staring at your eyes
    Losing myself in them mumbling you're back
    Nodding softly saying indeed you are
    The feelings between us again spark.




    Submitted on 2005-10-01 07:49:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a good poem! Happy poems are so nice to read cause there just seems to be so much sadness and anger in the world today and so many poems which reflect that. Hopefully this poem is speaking of you and an unexpected turn around with this relationship? This sounds to be very personal to you and hopefully this comment finds you feeling better these days? A very lovely expression of your happiness with this one! Good poem! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed this poem. i know the feeling of breaking the wall, so to speak, on writing only depressing and downer type poetry, and it's a liberating experience. good wording and structure. my only hang ups here are that there is some poor grmmar choices and a bit of akwardness at points. but other than the technical side, this piece was well done. good to hear of your newly found happiness. good effort.
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. Not only because it was written very well, but because there was a special feeling written in these words. I agree with Drea that the flow was a little inconsistant. The first stanza having 5 lines, and the next 3 having 4 lines, that threw the flow off. Other than that, and a little on the rhyming, the emotion was amazing. I enjoyed it!
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by miss__smiles | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this one.Not as others though.It could be better as in longer and with more detail.And like the others said,the ryhme flow is somewhat inconsistant.Other wise it's a really great poem!I hope you are doing well and congrads on learning to write much happier poems juat as you said.Well,keep writing.You are very good at this,so keep it up. - Lindel
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]
      Happy poems usually make me sad (because I cant relate) but this one made me smile. I just recently started being happy for people, and I really am happy for you (assuming this is autobiographical). This is excellently written too. I hope everything continues going well for you. As always, Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      umm... I dont know. This was pretty good. The flow was a lil inconsistent. But it was pretty good. Im glad your writting happy stuff now. Shocked but glad it brings out your personality more.
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]


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