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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rock Love Balladdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: miss__smiles
    ASL Info:    16/f/Soo, Ont
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 117/110/20
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 808
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1388



    Description:
       I actually wrote this for a story I'm working on...
    The reason being I needed a rock love song...LOL...
    Let me know what you think....
    It's only my 4th song....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRock Love Balladdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rock Love Ballad:

    Verse 1:
    I know you don't believe me
    When I tell you that I care
    I know you think it's physical
    But you're completely aware
    I honestly love you
    And you really are my everything
    I honestly need you
    But you don't believe a thing

    Chorus:
    I say I love you
    And you turn your head to cry
    You don't believe me
    And still I wonder why

    Why don't you believe
    I really love you?
    Why does this hurt
    When it feel so true?
    Why does our love
    Feel so invalid
    Baby this is
    My rock love ballad
    To you....

    Verse 2:
    You never dare to tell me
    "I think you're lying"
    Instead you fight the feelings
    and keep on trying
    You try to make everything okay
    But you don't know how
    How to push off your feelings
    And deal with it now

    Chorus

    Verse 3:
    baby if you'd only understand
    I had my hands tied
    I love you with all my heart
    And I swear I've never lied
    But there you are with her
    We've drifted completley away
    I just wish you'd listen to me love
    And just stay.

    Chorus(x2)




    Submitted on 2005-10-01 09:20:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was... different. For me, this was very awkward to read, and having been a lyric writer for quite a while, is unusual. I think it's because the reader can infer the emotions about love from this piece, whereas normally they're implied. However, it did make me smile, I good trip back to the 80's (this was very 80's) is never a bad thing. I will have to agree that it sounds manufactored but I'll be damned if this isnt killer with some chords and a hefty snare drum.

    Nice work,
    James
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      not bad. although it seems pretty manufactured. but as you said, it was for a project. i think it's very surface, and unrelatable until the most cliché-ish point, but it's not horrible by any means. the thought of writing anything creative for the heck of it really bothers me. i'd like to see a real life attempt at this kind of subject matter.
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]
      These lyrics are nice. But I agree with Brenna when she said that you should label your chorus and verses instead of making us guess which is what. One thing that threw me off was that you had "why(e-i-e-i-e)" and others, and that you told us which words were held and stuff like that. When posting lyrics, you don't have to tell us how they are sung. But other than that, this was a good write. Great lyrics.
    ~Kriss
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh some lyircs. Have you submitted any lyrics?? Cause I can't remember. You must have if you say that this is your fourth one. Well anyways. This was good. Theres only one thing that I really want to point out and that is that you should label where your choruses are. I mean if you label the chorus then we can figure out the verses...well maybe it would be a good idea to label the verses too. Just so we know where we are in the song. So I'm guessing that this part is the chorus...

    "I say I love you
    And you turn your head to cry
    You don't believe me
    And still I wonder why(e-i-e-i-e)

    Why don't you believe
    I really love you?
    Why does this hurt
    When it feel so true?
    Why does our love
    Feel so invalid
    Baby this is
    My rock love ballad
    To you..."

    So thats all I had to say. Nice job. .

    Brenna
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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