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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Iron Mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: miss__smiles
    ASL Info:    16/f/Soo, Ont
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 117/110/20
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701



    Description:
       This was just written for the heck of it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Iron Mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Iron Man:

    You can cheat and lie to win
    Or be honest and play fair
    Playing dirty and rough
    Or you could stop before there.

    You could slack, and hope for results
    Or you can be truthful and try
    All you'd do is pretend your tough
    Or you could show feelings, and cry.

    You could fight fire with fire
    Or you could put out the flames
    Starting to only say 'it's not my fault'
    Or be decent and take the blame.

    And you could try and forget me
    Forget everything we had
    But even the iron man will rust
    And I can see in your eyes, you're sad.




    Submitted on 2005-10-01 09:21:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is really great.
    I like how you took the two examples of behavior and put them against each other. Very nice contrast.
    I've wondered why it is that some men think nothing of cheating, lying and being an all around butthead, while at the same time there are many out there that are honest and honorable. Great write.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, this reminds me of something my "boy" at work said to me today, "I think they made you out of titanium.", HA! I dont rust, might squeak from time to time, but rust just turns to dust! And thats something for a later date.

    I didnt like the negative points in this write but pulled a lot out of all the positives you showed here. Good stuff and inspirational to me. Thanks!

    Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really awesome. I had such a powerful picture in my head, like a man rusting from the inside out, painted to look like a real human, but with rust sports starting to show through his peeling paint. Powerful words, too, with hints of both sadness and anger. Sadness, in having to give up the things you love, and Anger in having to do the same, finding it both fair and unfair at the same time. wonderful piece, truly. I really liked this part:

    'And you could try and forget me
    Forget everything we had
    But even the iron man will rust
    And I can see in your eyes, you're sad'

    Those are some very powerful words, I think, and all of it is so well written, I love it.

    Cheers, Azael
    | Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      very mysterious! those are the best kinds of poems...

    also, your flow was great, it weasnt corrupted at all, and the imagery just rocked! all the words worked together to create an awesome picture...especially the end. i saw a man with an iron coating...and then it rusted, and disintegrated away slowly and all that was left was a man looking out of sad eyes...it was great. the words in my head at the sight of that image was

    i am only human. nothing more

    i especially loved this part though

    You could fight fire with fire
    Or you could put out the flames
    Starting to only say 'it's not my fault'
    Or be decent and take the blame.

    And you could try and forget me
    Forget everything we had
    But even the iron man will rust
    And I can see in your eyes, you're sad

    great job! know peace

    nirvana
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Nirvana | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this one, your descriptions make the poem what it is. The last two stanzas appealed to me more than the first two. I think that's because you don't really have a sort of introductory stanza, just jump right into the story. I think sometimes we should treat poems like essays- an intro, the body and the conclusion. I felt this had no intro, but I liked it :)
    Well done
    Laura-disGrace
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      well done. i think one of the hardest things for anyone, and especially men somehow, is to accept that they were wrong. through my relationships i've learned the hard way to accept the blame when it's my own. good poem here. i think every guy should read this. good effort.
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a poem composed by one hitters... Every line is one by one a what if question being answered by a positive or negative choice... Very nicely put into a poem but I have seen this kind of work before I think in a movie or a show I do not clearly remember... Lets just say I would choose all the positives beacuse I do not hold grudges or hide my feelings or even try to put on a mask... I enjoyed it a lot it brought a nice message with a lot of images...

    "You could fight fire with fire
    Or you could put out the flames"

    Very nice images I am telling you every time I blinked I had a visual in my mind about every situation you presented here... Thanks for this writting

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow..This very good.I love it!The flow is great and...THERE IS A HINT OF MYSTERY!..And that is what I love the most this poem.This even makes a great metaphor too.Well,lovely job. - Lindel
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess we all know someone like this. It's sad that some people just can't be themselves; they have to build these "tough" personas. The iron will rust, and his face will leak eventually (The words "Iron Man" always make me think of Black Sabbath). It's funny that men like that always try to turn you into a woman made of feathers (or something else soft). Anyway, this is very true to life. It should be "you're" in "All you'd do is pretend your tough" though.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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