Selfless by spoken

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Submission Name: Selfless dots

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Author:	spoken
ASL Info:	24/m/Atl
Elite Ratio:	5.4 - 153/192/54
Words:	57

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	201
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	369

Description:
A resubmit

Selfless dots

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Looking into the eyes of a younger him..........
Holding warm, new life close to his chest.
Listening as fresh, pink lungs sang and sucked in oxygen;

And looking into the eyes of this more innocent version of himself............

He smiled, and for the first time in his young life,
felt
selfless and made whole

Submitted on 2005-10-01 11:10:53 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
This makes me think of a father looking into the eyes of his new born son. I could be wrong but that what I feel. I like this write because it seems to bring a freshness to the old. The rebirth of life, The fathers amends and his son is the new beginning. How refreshing!

Great Write and deserving of one of my favs

Wisdom Seeker ( A father)
| Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
SO did this person just have a child... and is seeing a younger version of himself now? That is really cute.
You do seen to have a lot of (.'s) in this piece... wouldn't you agree?
maybe this for the punctuation use:

Looking into the eyes of a younger him,
holding warm, new life close to his chest.
Listening as fresh, pink lungs sang and sucked in oxygen.

Looking into the eyes of this more innocent version of himself...

He smiled, and for the first time in his young life,
felt
selfless and made whole.

not much of a difference for the fact I myself am not an expert on puncutation, but you did a great job.
Maybe you should put this under prose and under happy or even nature. because isn't birth a part of nature? Great job overall. I myself can't say I know the feeling of seeing a younger version because I am only 14 and don't plan on a child at this time... Maybe in about 10 years but definately not now.

take care
Jesi
| Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by slntfirflm | [ Reply to This ]

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