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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blending As Onedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lmz
    ASL Info:    40/female/USA
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 3433/1529/84
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1464
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 805



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlending As Onedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Downward flow,
    seemingly effortless energy
    Demands constant motivation
    Direction sought,
    follows paths of
    least resistance, yet
    finds raging rapids
    Tossed and splashed,
    saturates surrounding banks
    Struggling,
    returns to itself
    Resumes flow,
    searching to find
    tranquility
    Rocks scattered
    along its path,
    challenges fluidity
    Brief periods of rest
    in calm moments,
    replenishes strength
    Rough waters require
    perseverance, determination
    Plummeting helplessly
    over the edge
    Falling free, a comfort
    Rewarded at journey's end
    with warm greetings
    Blending as one,
    into a peaceful lagoon.






    Submitted on 2005-10-01 11:19:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Flowing and tumbling, finally becoming one with the lagoon! Beautiful photo and beautiful poem, Lorna!
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice Lorna, very nice. Some very excellent use of imagery here. You know I have tried a similar write once but I really didn't like the ending for it, was kinda off compared to the rest of the write...sighs

    Keep up the good work
    I really enjoyed this

    Take care and be happy

    Jason
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      It's all been said before, by other commentors, but this is a great metaphor. There are places here where life imitates the water and there are places where we personify the water with a bit of life.

    Here's an example of the second
    Brief periods of rest
    in calm moments,
    replenishes strength


    The water doesn't need it's strength replenished, yet the piece of humanity doesn't get in the way.

    Nicely done,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Well as they say is a deep subject. For the waters run deep. Nice work to see one thing but yet be reminded of others. Few words with much meaning. The triumph belongs to those who have takein the path of conserving energy. While at the same time with time can carve valleys with patience. By the way awesome waterfall. Well I 'm going to surf a bit perhapes we will run into each other again.


    Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice read, but I was thinking that you could tie this in with life's rocky struggles in some way (I guess the waterfall would be death).

    Brief periods of rest
    in calm moments,
    replenishes strength
    Rough waters require
    perseverance, determination
    Plummeting helplessly
    over the edge

    There's a lot of alliteration of r and p sounds there that is nice. The descriptions are lovely, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Well Lorna I can tell you that this is a very refreshing write.
    You seemed to given life to the flowing river from the beginning to the end. Struggles and hardships of the river itself.
    This is life as well.

    I like this allot.

    Awesome Lorna


    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good metaphor and I'm glad that you wrote it. You used a lot of symbolism and that's cool, makes the whole thing more interesting. Good job, anyway.
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      What a wonderful metaphore about life in general. Seems to pertain to every living being, human or otherwise.
    Trials and lessons, with periods of rest and refreshment. And, in the journey's end, the great reward we so faithfully know we will get.
    Grand Peace, with smiling faces to greet; of those gone before.
    God bless,
    Yvonne
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by dycrain | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a neat little metaphor. I have been exploring the power of singular metaphors to encpasulate an idea or ideas. Poser penguin is one of those explorative peices. Here you leave intepetation fairly open to its layers. It applie to all life endevors on some level. The journey, love, friendship, the end, etc. Certain phrasings lend themselves more to a life journey then any other perspective. Water is a double edge sword. It will indeed move in the path of least resistance. We however do not always behave this way. Often we climb despite the effort to some end we believe is worth the sacrifice. Regardless it is not so much how we meet our end but that we all do that is striking about the poem. Some of the enjmbment was curious to me. as in,

    east resistance, yet
    finds raging rapids

    I wonder how you determined your line breaks. Still, the coarse grammar and singular stanza format work to the theme and keep the reading as fluid as the water you are describing. That alone makes this a great poem.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Car va g o | [ Reply to This ]
      Lorna,
    I loved the two-fold meaning of this poem and how they blended so well together. Our life sometimes runs in the same direction, needing encouragement, motivation, facing trails, hitting snares, but in the end, there we'll find our own sweet lagoon. A very good write!
    Linda
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I really loved the flow of this piece and the format that allowed it to cascade down the page as the very waterfall you picture.

    There are a lot of meanings I felt from this - about self and the divine and about the journey to the most ultimate peace!
    This piece reminded me of one I wrote Wave of Depression - not so much the theme but the way it comes across.

    Lovely!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-11-01 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I like ďblending as oneĒ but certain words and phrases didnít seem to fit.

    Downward bound, flow
    Seemingly effortless energy

    Direction sought,
    follows paths of
    least resistance, yet
    finds raging rapids
    Tossed and turned, splashed,
    splash surrounding rocks saturates banks
    helplessly Struggling
    returning to itself returns
    Continues down, Resumes flow,
    searching to find
    tranquility
    obsicals scattered Rocks
    along its path,
    challenges fluidity
    Depleted of energy Brief periods of rest
    in calm moments,
    replenishes strength
    Rough waters require
    perseverance, determination
    Plummeting effortlessly helplessly
    over the edge
    Falling free, a journey comfort
    Rewarded at it's end journey
    with warm greetings
    Blending as one,
    into a peaceful lagoon.

    I like the sequence of occurrences with the water.
    Punn
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by punn | [ Reply to This ]
      hello Lorna ,
    its me , really it is lol . as with all yr work its another great piece , you have the most beautiful way with words Lorna , because its you then i would put the deeper meaning as a relationship but it could be about any aspect of life really.
    great job
    take care
    Elaine x
    | Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by lainie75 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is marvelous.

    However, for me, water is the only lifeless thing in nature. I've always thought of it as the riverbanks' mountains', animals' and trees' plaything.

    You give water a pulse here.

    Flowing water is interesting enough to watch, especially if its reletively shallow. For something so lifeless, it has a life of its own. I love the way it sounds, feels, and looks in the right part of the country.

    Another great LmZ write

    -ishoes
    | Posted on 2005-10-15 00:00:00 | by iShoes | [ Reply to This ]
      Lorna, this had such great imagery and vibes. I loved the flow and the comparison you used about relationship and harmony. This was really great!

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      What a wonderful poem this is Lorna. Obviously it is a metaphor. My first thought was of a relationship. There is not a single wasted word. It reads beautifully and really I can find nothing to criticize at all. I'd give it a 10 out of 10. Thanks,
    Bill
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by rankamateur | [ Reply to This ]
      i felt as thoe i was sliding down the rapids as i read this for the fifth time...each time i read it, it never got old...i loved it...i love the part about falling free it made me almost shiver...i cant express how it made me feel b/e it was like sooo maney emotions at once..


    Trevor...~
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is wonderful and relaxing to read without even worrying about any deeper meaning. Just follow the flow and note the progress at each turn. Lots of good verbs in use - action, action, rest in peace.

    I do favor water metaphors whether in movement or languid. After all, even we are mostly water. I find no faults at all and enjoyed it very much. The picture was also very well chosen for the piece. Wow.
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is just over the top in my mind. I love the idea of the metaphor. I'm not sure if this is what it is about but i will try...I think it is pretty much about the way we travel in life as people. The way you related this to a river was magnificient and very orignal. I really never heard anything of it before. so that is definetely a plus.

    But a good write and definetly a favorite of mine. On to the next one :)

    BTW: the picture at the top gives it a great touch

    Mikki
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, so many views on this poem. That makes for a great write when you can get so much emotion and response from your readers.
    I too, see a tale of "life" here. The struggles and the rewards blending together.

    This part (well all really) could be talking about me...
    "Struggling,
    returns to itself
    Resumes flow,
    searching to find
    tranquility"

    You did a great job here. I enjoyed!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      The river in metaphor! But for what? Some might say life. I believe this can be anything that flows. Certainly, life flows along a time line. Love, or a relationship, also flows. As we learn more about our partner, it is as if tributaries add their content. There are good times and bad, surging rapids and still waters. There are obstacles to overcome. The flow continues until we reach the decision point. Do we go over the edge (committment) or not? The reward is the peace of the lagoon below. Not everyone will chance the drop. Most wash up on the banks of the journey. Those with courage, pushed by the building force of the rivers energy, take the plunge.

    Nicely put together, though the river of life (if that's what this is ) is a rather old metaphor. That's why I prefer to think of this as a poem about love, about how it builds and carries us to that peaceful lagoon, that "Blending As One". I enjoyed reading this, but I think, at times, it seemed a bit clipped. I don't know if that was intentional. It would seem that if the phrases were more complete, so too, would the thoughts be. Punctuation might clear some of this. Example:

    Downward flow,
    seemingly effortless energy
    Demands constant motivation

    Did you mean?

    The downward flow
    of seemingly, effortless energy
    demands constant motivation.

    I think your puctuation and capitalization confuses the reader. Clarify that and this poem will be a joy to read.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, Mike really summed things up and clarified anything that I may have had questions about! lol
    I like this for the value of life lesson that I took out of it. I miss the imagery that you typically put into your poems, but this was a poem that wasn't asking for all of that "color" to be put into it, it was deeper and begged for a bit more thought-which you did provoke me to do!
    I love the metaphor and life is so this way! Twists, turns, obstacles, moments of peace and tranquility...you put it all in there.
    I loved the title of this piece, it was a far cry from what I was expecting, but you ended this piece wonderfully and it had a very calming affect on me. The ride through the poem was fantastic, I went through it and took that final plunge right into the lagoon below-very liberating feeling I might add! lol
    Either way, this was great and could be taken into so many different directions, as this can apply to so many different facets of life.
    Great job!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me that love is alot like the log ride at Six Flags, it's rough and tumble and over a lifetime you learn alot. Like once is enough to risk your heart with the same person.
    Beautiful images and a current of rafting make this a surpirsing delight, but you are getting so much better at this. Only love makes that possible, I celebrate your coming out party. It's so good to see you shine.
    peace and love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      love gets tossed around and it wont stop like a wave that splashes around water currents pulling manythings with them. the love we share can pull many hearts
    peace and nicely done
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by dudethis | [ Reply to This ]
      fantastic write
    to me it reflects a positive state
    it kinda reflects a person who has finally find a place to relax and then learns how to relax all over again
    bye the way you totaly understood my poem sorrowful goodbye
    thank you for your comments on it
    please let me know when you post more poems as i love the happiness and joy expressed in this one something to rare on this earth
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      My blender works a lot like this, taking everything down and into that constant motion and rsaging rapids, and I always come out all mixed up, a little like you seem here!
    Life is so twisted and confusing, then it spits us out on the counter of life to be tossed into a salad fixed for some overbearing humanoid trying to be our leader!
    Now if I can just find that lagoon where the still water become calm and clear, instead of being filled with alligators.
    Oh well, I hope your grinning now, I AM!
    Later my fair lady, good night.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      This made me think of salmon, cept they go upstreams, and you know why they go all the way upstreams for? I bet you already know that though!

    Nice poem Lorna, reminded me a bit of your quicksand one. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you've done an OK job with this. I would've preferred more imagery, but that's me. I like 'Falling free, a comfort' a lot; that's a great line. I don't know if you intended this, but it does have a sort of meandering feel to it, which works well with the water metaphor.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi, LNL, this is rather nice...

    without seeing what the others got out of it, I'm guessing it's about life's journey, although, to be honest, you could apply many themes that would fit your very nice words extremely well.

    A very enjoyable read, dear, I quite love it.

    be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so beautiful, and can be translated on so many different levels of existence, but my initial & lasting impression is a description of the whole trip through life itself, birth to death and returning to the universal ether-ooze of souls or psychic recordings or whatever is on that "side" of the spectrum. It would be hard to pick out any favorite lines, as they are all just so lovely and weigh equally, but I do love especially:

    Rewarded at journey's end
    with warm greetings

    That is just so comforting a thought, to get to the point where all things end, and be wanted,possibly even anticipated, and have that feeling of "home" and rest... It would be heaven. Maybe that's all heaven is, and if so, it's more than enough.
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      Lorna,

    this is truly one o f your best works. Unusual for you in it's more vague and abstract nature. In most of your work, the beautiful metaphors and imagery are more direct. In this piece many different feelings and thoughts come up for me in a partial way and often conflict with each other because some element or other conflicts with that impression.

    Mike as usual has done a thorough job of looking at the different elements and there possible meanings.

    At first there was a sexual sense about this write (well that, would be MY first thought! Duh)

    The river moving, racing at times to plunge into the lipid waiting lagoon.Then all the other stuff Mike mentioned! LOL

    All laughs aside, this was a marvelous poem.

    Well done!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      i interpreted this as a longing for love and starts with failed relationships and the paths taken to trying to find true love which i saw as the peaceful lagoon at the end.In between i see it as recovering from hurt and ones that didnt work out such as
    Struggling,
    returns to itself
    Resumes flow,
    searching to find
    tranquility
    Rocks scattered
    along its path,
    challenges fluidity
    Brief periods of rest
    in calm moments,
    replenishes strength
    Rough waters require
    perseverance, determination
    i took this as recovering an dpicking yourself up and finding the strenght to go on when things havent gone right ,i could be hopelessly wrong though lol,but i enjoyed reading it and it is beautifully written
    graham
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Lorna,
    This is a beautiful pwerful piece. To me it has a inspirational feel to it.
    brief periods of rest
    in calm moments
    replenishes strength
    Well said!
    The picture itself is beautiful. Very serene. Calm surroundings. That's the type of settings I enjoy the most. Lorna, as always good to hear from ya...take care, wanda
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      this is wonderfully done Lorna. I see this not only as a stream but a travel in life. a highly intelligent write to say the least. ok on to the write...

    the flow and the seemingly effortless energy this has me thinking of our journeys in life and how we move on through it, through the passage of time. the downward is the kinetic energy that is within the stream itself to help move the water along, I take that as our drive and ambition.

    "direction sought"...the water will move into its flow traveling down the path cut into the river. our direction in life can be applied here.

    "the paths of least resistance" that is great. there are things in life that hold us back from our calling and like the water we must go around those. I relate to the "straight paths" in proverbs. even in the river (as to life) energy is used to move along in our paths always to be vigilant and hope that we are guided by ourselves or the help of another to reach our destination. truly magnificent.

    "the rapids tossing and splashing" can be taken two ways one our bad times or times when we are exhilarated. a double meaning exists for me here and hats off cause I love those.

    "saturates the surrounding banks." this can be applied to our spheres of influence both those who influence us and those we influence. also though if the river is our life the banks our what keep is flowing so one can say its is almost our direction being corralled. its a symbiotic relationship between the river and the surroundings. all life is affected by a river and a person going through life is the same way we have alot of impact of those lives we touch.

    I see the water backing up returning in onto itself this also can be something learned having us back up or can be a different course taken and a third meaning i can extract is that
    it is the avoidance of danger. three meanings I can get in this. I'm sure there are more.

    "searching to find tranquility" gives me the impression of a soul wanting peace. its is an important part of the work there are situations in life were we don't have peace and we seem to be in a constant battle. I feel that. "desire strong" throws me off there seems out of place.

    "the rocks scattered along its path challenges fluidity" these can mean the situation that are dangerous in life and also something that leave an impact on our lives, rocks on a river are a precarious thing as the water smashes up against those rocks. the challenging the fluidity adds to those elements.

    "Brief periods of rest in calm moments," these seems to me to be the times in life when we are at peace maybe even happy. or a second meaning i can extract which is a far cry from the first is that is it a stagnate time in life when we donít do much with our lives and hopes to return to move forward. I'll leave to you to say which it is.

    "replenishes strength" i have to say this has me thinking back to the previous and think it is intended for those times to be happy and restful thus the "new" strength could be applied.

    "Rough waters ahead require perseverance, determination" this is a great statement for inner strength to be bold to forge ahead through the rapids.

    "Rewarded at journey's end Plummeting helplessly falling over the edge" slight contradiction it seems with rewarded and helplessly yet if you jump out of the metaphor mind you can appreciate it as beauty OR very important you can switch it out and put "rewarded at the journeys end" after FALLING and keep it as metaphoric language this could be a death type scenario after the reward shown is awesome...I do love the closing part which is my favorite three lines of the entire work...

    receives warm greetings
    Blending as one,
    into a peaceful lagoon.

    these are immortal lines the peace and tranquility is found at the end, the final resting place is truly PARADISE.

    magnificent write top notch one of the best metaphor comparisons Iíve seen in a very long time. excellent write Lorna ,

    ~mike









    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      My mind is kind of telling me this poem is much more than a longing poem... My imagination ran wild with this so yeah watch out for this comment... This I have felt before but not put into words so nice and neat... It is great how you express actions in a way that you hide them under a mask and still people are able to understand exactly what you are talking about... I seen so many images while reading this it is not even funny and they all connected to each other so well that it actually scared me for a while beacuse I felt like I was in two places at once and I know that is impossible so yeah... Good write and really hope to read more of your writting...

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]


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