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    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lightning Strikesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: S.A.M.
    ASL Info:    18/f/xx
    Elite Ratio:    3.49 - 429/394/124
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 212
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 832



    Description:
       Yes I now this isn't grate but I was bored and in Algebra. DOn't actually know where this came from either. Hope ya'll enjoy it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLightning Strikesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Light broke through the sky,
    aluminating the winding road.
    Her car was speeding around the curve,
    she never saw that small four door.
    A clap of thunder hid the sound,
    of screaming tiers and smashing glass.
    She lost control; her car rolling ontop of theirs.
    The last thing she saw that night,
    was a blood red road in a flash of lightning.

    Bright lights, a pounding head,
    she opened her eyes to a hospital bed.
    A small little girl stood at her side,
    a ghostly glow lighting her face.
    "Why did you cut my life so short,
    I was only eight by a day."
    Bewildered she stared at the girl,
    unable to speek a word.
    "You hit our car last night at nine.
    The car colapsed with me inside."




    Submitted on 2005-10-01 14:06:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      on the whole, it was not too bad
    it was scary, that it was... the wording was not as good as it could have been
    ive actually heard a true story a little bit like this work
    keep it up
    john*

    3/5
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I first looked at this cuz there's a Live song called the same thing, and poes witht he same name as songs always catch my attention...this is pretty good, obviously spur of the moment lol, but the wording is great and it flowed great. Sorry I haven't been commenting, obviously I've been missing out lol. Good stuff.

    Storm
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by OrionsStorm | [ Reply to This ]
      emotionally charged this write could be more appealing if spelling was better but other than that it was perfect! PEACE becka
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by boo boo | [ Reply to This ]
      The topic was good and you tackled a difficult subject very well. Perhaps there may be scope for you to re-visit it at a later date and expand. For example, the effect on the little girl losing her life and the effect on the driver who killed her.
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the poem is very intense but it ends abrubtly. I think you should add more lines to it and/or work on the ending.

    Looking forward to reading more of your work.
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
      small four door? That would be car right?
    It sounds alot like this chain mail that went around. And around. Well not much, but kind of.

    I really liked this. It's one of those poems, where you go back to double check to make sure it didn't rhyme. I never quite understood what that meant...

    I always thought it was funny how good poems can come out of just too much boredom. But still I think ones that mean something to someone. It shows.
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it...it was very good for being "bored in algebra" :) I Liked the last verse with the girl but your wording in the first was great
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought that this was an interesting poem. But if you ask me, I think you should have kept on going after
    ' "You hit our car last night at nine.
    The car colapsed with me inside." '.
    It would have made the poem more interesting. Good write Sarah.
    ~Kriss
    | Posted on 2005-10-01 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]


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