[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: PIPE DREAMSdots

    Author: joeym1962
    ASL Info:    43 / m / oh
    Elite Ratio:    5.2 - 83/75/27
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 771
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 874


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPIPE DREAMSdots

    my dream was that we'd move away together
    perhaps live in a modest house by the ocean
    you would spend the days making art
    and at night we would perhaps listen to music
    and write poetry together
    i knew there would be problems
    but i thought if we loved each other enough
    held each other tight enough
    the problems wouldn't matter so much

    then something fundamental changed
    and a stranger now stands behind your eyes
    someone who regrets our lovemaking
    and chides me for apologetic scenes
    while i like a withered leaf am left cold and alone
    remembering the softness of your smile
    like the high green warmth of summer
    feeling the pain a leaf must feel in autumn
    as the wind grows colder
    and the sky goes from clear blue to cloudy gray

    Submitted on 2005-10-01 23:31:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Not a particularly deep poem, or clever poem, or even original poem, but it nevertheless has the merits of clarity, simplicity, genuine feeling and honest craftsmanship.
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]