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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: wait an eternitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 755
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1017



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswait an eternitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    In an elegant trance, she glides across the stony floor.
    The moons illuminating glow beckons her forth once more.
    A nightly longing, resurrecting from centuries ago.
    Delicate pale face, nearly apparitional, detached.
    A wisp of a thin hand, draws aside a dusty curtain.
    Cobwebs fall and entangle in ratted, silvery hair.
    She glances the streets, prisoner in her lofty tower.
    Searching for one in particular, her darling at sea.
    Lifeless grey eyes realize, again, he will not come today.
    Retreats to her cold chair, to linger in melancholy.

    An age long gone, countless yesterdays past.
    She dressed in a pastel shade of yellow.
    Complimentary with rosy pink cheeks.
    He looked out of place, fancy uniform.
    A short ending embrace, one long goodbye.
    White gloves wipe away arising blue tears.
    Those vivid grey eyes glisten as she cries;

    “I’ll wait an eternity for you.”




    Submitted on 2005-10-01 23:37:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the imagery, the tone, the word choice, and the very very very specific use of colors, this piece is amazing.

    The only error in it's construction is the punctuation.

    Each line seems to end abruptly, stopped in it's elegantly flowing tracks by a PERIOD.

    And not the gender specific sort either.

    I would suggest trying to limit your use of punctuation to make poems flow better.

    Read it out loud, stopping at periods and pausing at commas, and you'll see that the flow suffers from poor punctuation choices.

    Despite this however, I do indeed love this poem.

    I will add it to my favorites. Of which there are no others.

    <3

    ~KRG
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      I am always saddened by the lonely ghost who waits forevers for their loves return.
    This had good visualization and I liked how you used words with color to offset the gray.
    Good!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This really conveys a genuine love. Unlike most poems revolving around this subject, you have injected a slight feeling of melancholy rather than seduction or hatred. Love is a stubborn, yet patient thing, as your poem has displayed.
    There was also some lovely imagery that really strengthened the character's emotion at this time. The oxymoron of love being sweetsorrow is so true, as you're obviously aware.
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]
      Love...hmm, this is a hard one to interpret, it’s filled with loneliness and longing, but then there is the eternal love that enters into the picture. Waiting is horrible, and to hope another day is too, this is bittersweet. To expect something so unpredictable. This is quite disturbing, but in a good way, it gladdens my heart that although she is faced with such extremes she still is patient, such dedication and commitment to her love…Love is a hard emotion to capture into words, you did it well…How sweet, well done. This is beautiful, keep writing.
    Sincerely Deserted
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Deserted | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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