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    dots Submission Name: Intrinsic Awakeningdots

    Author: lynxstarfire
    ASL Info:    26/Feline/MD
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 100/106/54
    Words: 261
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 727
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1577

       something I wrote a few weeks ago, not quite sure where to put it. let me know what you think...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIntrinsic Awakeningdots

    There is a place I sometimes go,
    inside my head when I need to be alone,
    it is a place that I know well,
    I've used it many times to escape the hell,
    that I created through the chooses I made,
    the things that I did and the places I stayed,
    but as of late for a different use,
    to cleanse the anger and forget the abuse,
    i harbored for years from childhood pain,
    till it built up, and slowly started to drive me insane,
    to my place i escape and let the cleansing rain,
    remove the hurt and anger that runs through my veins,
    forget the harmful ideas of revenge,
    let it drift away, let the rain slowly cleanse,
    in my secret place i'm safe from everything else,
    safe from the world and the danger and all things that endanger my health,
    my mental well-being slowly starts to return,
    now all of the basics I have to relearn,
    relearn how to behave, relearn how to react,
    relearn how to trust, relearn how to properly act,
    relearn how to have faith, relearn how to forgive,
    relearn how to love and relearn how to live,
    but with the help of some friends and the love of my life,
    i'll eventually put an end to my inner turmoil and strife,
    i'll find a way to mature and to grow,
    and eventually will relearn everything that I know,
    and when that day comes and I've caught up to myself,
    I'll again be a whole person in good spirit and health...

    M.B. 9-05-05

    Submitted on 2005-10-01 23:41:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it well written has a nice flow to this piece and you put so much as i get the inperson that it is very personal and i can somewhat relate to this poem i am going to add it to my faves
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by EV2884 | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece was very personal and it's a good thing to have your "place" - it reminds me on Fight Club when he always goes to his place with the penguins and such~
    Ithought the rhyme scheme was good and I just usually like shorter stanzas to ease the rhyme along but that's a personal preference and how you have here works fine 2!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this was a really heartfelt piece. There was one typo, but it didn't really take away from the overall work. The reader can tell that all the words that were written are straigh foward, and that you are not holding anything back. I admire you for being able to do that. I hope that you do "catch up to yourself".
    Good Luck,
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      I totally relate.. really good write... I like the idea of catching up to yourself... I feel like I have to relearn many things too. I have made terrible choices, and am trying to get out of the past and forgive myself enough to have the drive to create a better future. My mom says that we create, an recreate all the time, maybe your poem is about re-creation, maybe not. Anyway, I liked it alot. Thank You, take care, shalini
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by sbridges | [ Reply to This ]
      the rhyme scheme is good, great word choice. The rhythm is off though. The lines are not very symmetrical. This is just a suggestion, cut the fat off of some of the lines that are longer, it would help with the flow. Great write
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by St. Agatha | [ Reply to This ]
      This was an excellent poem. It gave good visuals and the rhyming worked well with it. The only complaint is the grammer in the beginning where you wrote chooses where I'm assuming should say choices. But other than that... A job well-done.
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      the starting is a lot like 'secret place' a song my megadeth, but from there the poem develops its own character. its good and since i have a secret place in my head too,this one has struck a special place. my advice the poem as is is great. but just dont let the secret place run your life..
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by jassal | [ Reply to This ]

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