Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: that i love youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: my shadow
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 291/150/48
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 379



    Description:
       Have you ever wanted to say I love you and didn't? Does this capture the feeling?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthat i love youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    that i love you, you know,
    but the words remain unspoken,
    as if chained to my tongue.
    and though,
    there are reasons that is so,
    there are none.
    were those chains broken,
    my poem for you
    would surely flow;
    and like trees that clap their hands,
    and dance in spring,
    we could clap and dance too.




    Submitted on 2005-10-02 02:00:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Happy day! Says a lot without a lot of words - I liked how you chained the tongue and that is why the words don't come out.

    Great!

    Have a great day and weekend with lots of relaxing creative smiles to share ;-)
    | Posted on 2011-09-16 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a good poem, but it confused me a little. I think you need to describe more, and the poem seemed to flow, but not the meaning.
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Sweet as Sugar | [ Reply to This ]
      For a short poem, it was actually pretty good. I have a few suggestions for you though. In the first line, I would take out "that" because to me, it doesn't seem to fit with everything else. Or if you wanted to keep it in because "That I Love You" is your title, you could change the first line to "You know that I love you". Because you're still saying the same thing, but you just mixed the words around. Another thing, I feel that you could have written more to this poem. Not that short is bad, but I feel that your ending wasn't really an ending. It was like you left your sentence hanging in mid-air. Maybe if you wrote more for the ending...but it's your choice. Nice write.
    ~Kriss
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
      I know how you feel. I'm trying to tell someone I love them but it is hard, and I have a feeling if I don't I'll regret it. Anyway, great poem. I myself don't quite feel this way, but it's very close. Keep up the great work.

    >:D/>:K
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by skullreaperX_X | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    76260

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry