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    dots Submission Name: that i love youdots

    Author: my shadow
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 291/150/48
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 379

       Have you ever wanted to say I love you and didn't? Does this capture the feeling?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthat i love youdots

    that i love you, you know,
    but the words remain unspoken,
    as if chained to my tongue.
    and though,
    there are reasons that is so,
    there are none.
    were those chains broken,
    my poem for you
    would surely flow;
    and like trees that clap their hands,
    and dance in spring,
    we could clap and dance too.

    Submitted on 2005-10-02 02:00:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Happy day! Says a lot without a lot of words - I liked how you chained the tongue and that is why the words don't come out.


    Have a great day and weekend with lots of relaxing creative smiles to share ;-)
    | Posted on 2011-09-16 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a good poem, but it confused me a little. I think you need to describe more, and the poem seemed to flow, but not the meaning.
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Sweet as Sugar | [ Reply to This ]
      For a short poem, it was actually pretty good. I have a few suggestions for you though. In the first line, I would take out "that" because to me, it doesn't seem to fit with everything else. Or if you wanted to keep it in because "That I Love You" is your title, you could change the first line to "You know that I love you". Because you're still saying the same thing, but you just mixed the words around. Another thing, I feel that you could have written more to this poem. Not that short is bad, but I feel that your ending wasn't really an ending. It was like you left your sentence hanging in mid-air. Maybe if you wrote more for the ending...but it's your choice. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
      I know how you feel. I'm trying to tell someone I love them but it is hard, and I have a feeling if I don't I'll regret it. Anyway, great poem. I myself don't quite feel this way, but it's very close. Keep up the great work.

    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by skullreaperX_X | [ Reply to This ]

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