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Final Sin

Author: stormyskye
ASL Info:    25/ f/new mexico
Elite Ratio:    5.46 - 209 /170 /30
Words: 157
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1988
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1067


Not my usual style of writing... any feedback would be greatly appreciated. To those who are used to by typical erotic poetry, sorry there are no fuzzy bunnies in this piece... just to clearify to those ho may be confused by this piece it was written shortly after I had found ou that one of my best friends and my childhood sweetheart had committed suicide. I have become overwhelmed with anger more than grief and this was my way of viewing the situation from his eyes instead of focusing on as to why he might have done such a selfish thing.... It has actually worked a little and I hyave begun to heal without all the anger and rage. I cant say that I fully understand his torture with himself... but I know that his intentions were not to act so selfishly but to put an end to what seemed to be an unendingly bleak life. I will love him forever and he will always be my first true love

Final Sin

Dripping with deceit show me your scars.
Etched in your skin, my name bleeds through.
Soaked in memories veins pulse forth,
Tell me it’s my fault... these lines you drew.

These bleeding scars are the only signs of life,
Reflecting glossy cold eyes clouded by misery and lies.
Now seeing only beauty and desire of death,
leaving this world emblazoned in your own eternal fires.

Place all the blame... Throw away life.
Forget all the passion you so readily burn.
Live in your eternal happiness of death...
True lessons of life you shall never learn.

Glossy eyes looking back...
Deceitful, shameful, forget me, burn!
Confusion, realization now brings truth,
mirror before me revealing lessons now learned.

My own name etched into my own bleeding skin.
Torturous guilt and deceit dripping on the floor...
Final sin, my own life it sought.
Spirit, leave me... Let me see my sin never more

Submitted on 2005-10-02 14:03:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I recieve a vision of almost-lifeless uncaring eyes staring at the writer of this poem, so good imagery. Keep writing, it's good stuff.
| Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by NoMartyr | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a good poem full of emotions and your use of descriptive words really give the reader some good imagery while reading this very powerful poem. This situation must have been very hard for you to deal with and to accept. I never really understood suicide but I guess when life is really hard it is easy to become consumed and overwhelmed to where you just cant take it anymore. But death doesnt seem like an answer to me, and you probably still have so many questions as to why these two would do this to themselves. So sorry to learn of this happening in your life. A very good poem about a very difficult subject. Take care.

| Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved this, it's by far the best piece I've read today. Its so desperate, raw, and passionate. Utterly fantastic. I am sad for you that the brilliance of this piece has developed from such a tragic situation though, you have written this on such a personal level - Its a great poem. Sugar xx
| Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Sugar | [ Reply to This ]
  holy [censored] [censored]! this is...i'm speechless, the rage, the passion, the emotion, everything...[censored] how i love it! DON'T CHANGE A THING EVER!
| Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
  this poem is full of emotion and sadness. the last line is the best. you have done a wonderful job releasing your emotions. i am sorry for your loss, and writing is a true release. good luck with it!~~tracy
| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]
  Sad, heartfelt and full of emotion. Time is a great healer for all - even the loss of a one true love. As far as first loves are concerned, you are right, the memory remains forever and the wonder of what might have been remains also - a very good write once again. Your structure and disciplince in your writing was still evident.
| Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  Sa-weeet! I really like this one even with its darkness and all it is somehow an inspiration to a point. Must be the:

Confusion, realization now brings truth,
Mirror before me reveling lessons now learned

lines that showed me that. Nice job. Oh, in the first line of the seconds stanza, should it be "signs" instead of "sings"? Just wondering.

Have a good one and keep smilin'
| Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  whoa, this was excellent i hope to read more from you in following days because this rocks. what a stupid way to show admiration, it rocks, ohhhhh i'm hopeless.
| Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by mistakes | [ Reply to This ]
  Love it ....dramatic dark and pretty ....The misery and torment is very aparent in it ...I was definatly locked into this ...swept up in the moment ....Obviously i dont have anything bad to say about it im adding to faves and shushing now ...excellent write
| Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
  Well I don't know what it means, maybe I missed something, but I think I didn't live your life so I can't possibly know. Apart from not relating to it, it is a good poem and it is full of emotion, it pulls a person in (at least me). I would think about, maybe not changing the poem, but perhaps you could hint at the meaning in the description. I understand it's probably personal and that's what I mean by hint, " We'll say something happened between me and somebody." That sorta thing. If I'm totally, completely off, tell me. Any who's eyeball, good write, catch ya l8r.
| Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by alittlebithippy | [ Reply to This ]

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