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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Quiet Singerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rissaberry
    ASL Info:    16/f/ny
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 52/48/12
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 625
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 419



    Description:
       I was browsing the internet and my English teacher's website and I found a link to an "instant poem", where you sort of just filled in the blanks. the only thing there was "this is the poem that"... "in"... "because"... and stuff like that, so don't think this didn't take any talent at all. well when i finished, i kept reading it over to myself and i sorta liked how it sounded. it's not supposed to be my best work ever by a long shot, but still, i decided to put it up here for kicks. so tell me what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsQuiet Singerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This is the poem that sings
    in the shadows of backstage
    that the audience forgets
    because there's no spotlight
    because the lighting man forgot

    And when loneliness
    hides my tears as I
    pray behind the curtains
    this is the poem that sings
    from the greenroom where
    someone is crying
    because she forgot
    to finish the script




    Submitted on 2005-10-02 16:27:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    this is a poem that sings
    from backstage shadows

    that the audience forgets

    for there's no spotlight
    because the lighting man forgot
    ~
    and when loneliness
    hides my tears,
    I pray
    behind the curtains

    ~
    this is a poem that sings
    from the green-room

    where someone is crying

    because she forgot
    to finish the script


    Subtle word changes... the essence is still there though. I copied this into notepad to see what I could come up with, and that's what happened. I've managed to have mirrored stanzas and symmetrical usage of normal and italicized fonts. Totally up to you but I felt like experimenting... I think it helps to look at it from someone else's viewpoint - how they would re-edit something, you know?

    Hope this helps in some way.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    76310

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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