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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Secret.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Samuel Bielz
    ASL Info:    21/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 151/182/46
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 278
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 1285



    Description:
       I've not posted a poem in forever, because of my lack of inspiration. a situation has been killing me lately, so i wrote this......hope it aint horrible.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Secret.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh, my hidden mistress
    When will you return me to my sanity?
    All my dreams of you,
    They have all fallen to monotonous vanity!

    This fleeting craving tortures me,
    For I’ve found the angel of my dreams.
    Yet, you still haunt me with your lovely eyes,
    Your beauty taunts me, so it seems.

    I close my eyes and dream of you,
    Though I should be dreaming of her.
    I cant clear my mind of your beautiful smile
    My desires are quite evil, I’m sure.

    Your eyes hold all of the mysteries of me,
    Your glance beckons me to explore.
    Your voice melts my iced over heart,
    Your beauty and grace, I adore.

    I know you’ll never be with me,
    Because of your deep mysteries.
    I’ve committed my heart to another,
    Though you are naively quite the tease.

    Do you not know what you are doing to me?
    Have I kept it hidden so well?
    You seem to be everything I am wanting,
    Though to kiss you would summon me to hell.

    My hidden Mistress can you please forgive me?
    I have done the unpardonable sin.
    For when I look into you eyes, I am stolen.
    And I hide from you, everything that’s within




    Submitted on 2005-10-03 01:23:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      interesting peice sam. i thought it was really well written. one question do i know of the mistress like have you talked to me about her. and does brindie know how you are feeling. lol or am i completely off base and this is all a metaphor. lol so tell me which it is please. over all i thought it was really well written . i dont like the theme of it but meh nothing i can do about it. but the way you described this girl this mistress that becons to you. seems so innocent and naieve to everythingeven if she is not that. great work sam keep it up and i hope to hear from you sometime...Joy
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      The first few stanzas of this poem were truely gripping, with lines such as:

    "All my dreams of you,
    They have all fallen to monotonous vanity!"

    You included some very effective desrciptive phrases, but this began to falter toward the end.
    Still, I enjoyed reading this, as someone previously said, it is a difficult subject to adopt, and I think you did pretty well!
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]
      Its actually quite a good piece. And I think it was bold to take on the topic...of cheating...if that truely be it. I think something very controversial is good, its what started many of the great poets, looking at things in a light noone wanted to before, or going against the wishes of the public...shocking them, even horrifying. Though this piece isn't either of those two, basically its just one that I and others don't agree with, not to say that its not a good piece though, cause it is...as I said before...good write

    ~Anarius~
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
      ...Why does the theme of this poem bother me so much? I don't know particularly. It's just that...I don't like the theme of...CHEATING :D

    ,-, I hope this is only my impression and I also hope it has no basis in fact.
    And it's not horrible. It dosen't...oh...my...lord...

    o.o! *runaway*
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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