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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: separationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bluecrane
    ASL Info:    19/F/WASHINGTON
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 70/83/26
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 786
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 669



    Description:
       i'm moving and i'm gonna miss my bf a lot, but he's such an ass that i doubt he'll even remember my name


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsseparationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    in the nights that i've dreamt
    this day has finally come
    a thunderstorm of love about to fade
    as we drift further apart

    like the clouds after the rain
    blowing in the breeze
    our hearts will do the same
    it hurts so bad to know this truth

    we will never see eachother again
    my memories will be all that's left
    a few phone calls and maybe a letter
    but in the end that's all it will be

    i love you more than you will know
    i have no choice but to leave
    if only i could command time to stand still
    for the life we could live in infamy




    Submitted on 2005-10-03 02:45:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this is good. Really hard to read though because pretty much the exact same thing happened to me. My former girlfriend and I decided that it would be best to break up when she went off to college. I'm dating again, but I'll never forget her. Love really isn't something that fades. If he's worth missing at all, he'll remember you.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by thezeroman88 | [ Reply to This ]
      Although this is a very emotional and sensitive poem, I feel it could be given a more unique character with more in-depth description or imagery. However, the following line is oh so true:

    "a thunderstorm of love about to fade"

    It is well thought out, and the structure is consistent.
    Overall, a good poem that, with some tweaks, could be wonderful.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]
      Let me start off by saying this poem's story is gret. There are some suggestions I have reguarding the writing style. It has been my experience that when you are dealing with almost any type of writing (poems especially) it is always best to have it appeal to all five senses. For instance the smell of his hair, skin, etc. This will make the writing much more intimate, getting your point across better.

    P.S. It isn't my business but even if he is an ass, he'll most likely still miss having you around.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Force | [ Reply to This ]


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