[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: separationdots

    Author: bluecrane
    ASL Info:    19/F/WASHINGTON
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 70/83/26
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 751
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 669

       i'm moving and i'm gonna miss my bf a lot, but he's such an ass that i doubt he'll even remember my name

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    in the nights that i've dreamt
    this day has finally come
    a thunderstorm of love about to fade
    as we drift further apart

    like the clouds after the rain
    blowing in the breeze
    our hearts will do the same
    it hurts so bad to know this truth

    we will never see eachother again
    my memories will be all that's left
    a few phone calls and maybe a letter
    but in the end that's all it will be

    i love you more than you will know
    i have no choice but to leave
    if only i could command time to stand still
    for the life we could live in infamy

    Submitted on 2005-10-03 02:45:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this is good. Really hard to read though because pretty much the exact same thing happened to me. My former girlfriend and I decided that it would be best to break up when she went off to college. I'm dating again, but I'll never forget her. Love really isn't something that fades. If he's worth missing at all, he'll remember you.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by thezeroman88 | [ Reply to This ]
      Although this is a very emotional and sensitive poem, I feel it could be given a more unique character with more in-depth description or imagery. However, the following line is oh so true:

    "a thunderstorm of love about to fade"

    It is well thought out, and the structure is consistent.
    Overall, a good poem that, with some tweaks, could be wonderful.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]
      Let me start off by saying this poem's story is gret. There are some suggestions I have reguarding the writing style. It has been my experience that when you are dealing with almost any type of writing (poems especially) it is always best to have it appeal to all five senses. For instance the smell of his hair, skin, etc. This will make the writing much more intimate, getting your point across better.

    P.S. It isn't my business but even if he is an ass, he'll most likely still miss having you around.
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Force | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Etiquette written by saartha
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]