[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: a recipe for guiltdots

    Author: hidden lady
    ASL Info:    28/female/nebraska
    Elite Ratio:    4.47 - 116/118/30
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 645
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 607

       just another poem about the note worthy power of a mothers guilt trip. also any guilt trip or lie if you so prefer to relate to it in any way really.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa recipe for guiltdots

    A cup of butter
    fell from your mouth,
    greasy and sly.
    It made a recipe
    with pity me
    and a dash of lies.
    Baked for an hour
    in my hot rage
    it created your words,
    burning my tounge.
    Savory and hurtfull
    all in one.
    I sprinkled some
    buts and howevers
    on it like salt and pepper,
    it made the guilt
    taste better,
    as you stared and waited
    for me to give in.
    I swallowed it down
    with tears in my eyes and
    you served another
    peice, your smile still strong.

    Submitted on 2005-10-03 18:49:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      What a wonderful way to express an emotion, through something that can be so simple yet so complex! I am a fan of metaphorical work, and this poem is very creative!
    I do not have any suggestions for alterations, as I feel it is great just the way it is! Very origional, and a very enjoyable read. The simple structure also enhances its fluency, and the content is very rich.
    Best wishes
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is kind of all over the place, however, i really like how you used abstract phrases without spoon feeding the words in this. If it were worded a little different, it would be much better.

    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by blndeliz | [ Reply to This ]
      *whistels* very very well done! This is great, with your recipe theme going strongly throughout the piece, yet, the anger boils (simmers?) under the surface.

    Nothing to criticize, I loved it!

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Records I written by Raphael
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The World written by jjd
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Cover written by saartha
    Love written by saartha
    Relativity written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]