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    dots Submission Name: a recipe for guiltdots

    Author: hidden lady
    ASL Info:    28/female/nebraska
    Elite Ratio:    4.47 - 116/118/30
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 662
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 607

       just another poem about the note worthy power of a mothers guilt trip. also any guilt trip or lie if you so prefer to relate to it in any way really.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa recipe for guiltdots

    A cup of butter
    fell from your mouth,
    greasy and sly.
    It made a recipe
    with pity me
    and a dash of lies.
    Baked for an hour
    in my hot rage
    it created your words,
    burning my tounge.
    Savory and hurtfull
    all in one.
    I sprinkled some
    buts and howevers
    on it like salt and pepper,
    it made the guilt
    taste better,
    as you stared and waited
    for me to give in.
    I swallowed it down
    with tears in my eyes and
    you served another
    peice, your smile still strong.

    Submitted on 2005-10-03 18:49:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      What a wonderful way to express an emotion, through something that can be so simple yet so complex! I am a fan of metaphorical work, and this poem is very creative!
    I do not have any suggestions for alterations, as I feel it is great just the way it is! Very origional, and a very enjoyable read. The simple structure also enhances its fluency, and the content is very rich.
    Best wishes
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is kind of all over the place, however, i really like how you used abstract phrases without spoon feeding the words in this. If it were worded a little different, it would be much better.

    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by blndeliz | [ Reply to This ]
      *whistels* very very well done! This is great, with your recipe theme going strongly throughout the piece, yet, the anger boils (simmers?) under the surface.

    Nothing to criticize, I loved it!

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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