Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a recipe for guiltdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hidden lady
    ASL Info:    28/female/nebraska
    Elite Ratio:    4.47 - 116/118/30
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 641
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 607



    Description:
       just another poem about the note worthy power of a mothers guilt trip. also any guilt trip or lie if you so prefer to relate to it in any way really.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa recipe for guiltdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A cup of butter
    fell from your mouth,
    greasy and sly.
    It made a recipe
    with pity me
    and a dash of lies.
    Baked for an hour
    in my hot rage
    it created your words,
    burning my tounge.
    Savory and hurtfull
    all in one.
    I sprinkled some
    buts and howevers
    on it like salt and pepper,
    it made the guilt
    taste better,
    as you stared and waited
    for me to give in.
    I swallowed it down
    with tears in my eyes and
    you served another
    peice, your smile still strong.




    Submitted on 2005-10-03 18:49:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What a wonderful way to express an emotion, through something that can be so simple yet so complex! I am a fan of metaphorical work, and this poem is very creative!
    I do not have any suggestions for alterations, as I feel it is great just the way it is! Very origional, and a very enjoyable read. The simple structure also enhances its fluency, and the content is very rich.
    Best wishes
    NM
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is kind of all over the place, however, i really like how you used abstract phrases without spoon feeding the words in this. If it were worded a little different, it would be much better.

    liz
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by blndeliz | [ Reply to This ]
      *whistels* very very well done! This is great, with your recipe theme going strongly throughout the piece, yet, the anger boils (simmers?) under the surface.

    Nothing to criticize, I loved it!

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    76435

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Live In Between written by teika5
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry