[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Monkey Laddersdots

    Author: uncreaTED
    Elite Ratio:    4.86 - 58/69/24
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1277
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 666

       We climb out of a pit to sometimes find ourselves at the bottom of a deeper hole.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMonkey Laddersdots

    Monkey Ladders

    A frown sweeps the face,
    another marmoset assault.
    In involuntary reaction,
    the body contracts,
    a turtle drawing inward
    in an effort of self-preservation.
    Hiding resolves nothing,
    only postpones the inevitable.

    When the shoe drops,
    it can lop off heads;
    leaving one lame
    as well as gormless.
    Retreating far enough
    returns one to their origin,
    a dilemma of déjà vu,
    the rodent spins on its wheel.

    Submitted on 2005-10-04 04:05:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Seems like you are venturing in to that universal dilemna of the dark hour of the soul. Gone to far to go back and don't how the hell one is supposed to go forward. The classic existential dilemna. The only problem I had was with the title.

    There is mention of turtles in their shells and rats on their wheels and you just seem to add more of dr doolittles's host by the mention of monkeys. Maybe it would be better if you over did all the animal references you could muster then adding another one in the title wouldn't be such a big deal. Of course I understand what you mean by monkey ladders, or at least I thinbk I do - foolish crazy mental games of the human being - otherwise you could try calling it something else -

    But all these things are just ideas, just the initial impression of how it grabbed me - great picture by the way. I also think that this is one of the better poems I have read here that deal with the psychological nature of existence - not overly done with cerebral imagery which tends to rub off as a dry philosophical treatise rather than poetry - read something recently that said that a good poet enables the reader to soar higher than he who wrote it (if it is possible for them to do so). I think the saving grace of this piece was all the imagery rather (rats, turtles, deja vu, etc) rather than chronicling the meanderings of the oh so wandering mind in a limited universe.
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Ted, remember me? Your first verse seems starightforward. Your second one has the mysterious shoe, the Jackboot that reduces the Jews to Juices, the cosmic highheel that punctures the skin of the Boeing, Imelda Marcos returned to wreak vengeange. Heck Ted, if she's throwing shoes at you that's pretty healthy displacement activity.
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      Great piece that leaves you with a wrinkle in the brow. Not a bad thing…

    I like the picture because it creates a visual to hold on to while the reader deciphers the poem.

    Metaphorically ideal...

    Ted, Haven’t heard from you in a while.

    Thought maybe you dropped off.

    Good to see your pen still has ink.

    Wisdom Seeker (Clyde)
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
    I don't know, but it seems so depressing to me...the idea of digging yourself into a deeper hole! Sometimes, yes it can be true, but I think it depends on how strong you are-not physically, but mentally and emotionally.
    You know, if you go through something terrible, don't curl up w/in your own corner and hope that it'll all go away, b/c like you said, "Hiding resolves nothing, only postpones the inevitable"

    I like how you used different references to catch the ideal of being stuck w/in one own's problem...a turtle retreating to it's comfort zone, a rat running on the same wheel over and over again,
    now with the involuntary reaction of body contracting-that's inevitable, that to me sounds like you're saying digging a deeper hole is ineveitable...unless you're saying the further you retreat, the futher you'll dig w/in your problem...ummmm...let me ponder on that for a while.

    Alls well though,
    Now Ted, this is what I like...a thought provoking poem-every now and then, I like to take time to analyze a poem-not all the way. [I only do that if I absolutley think I have to]
    Nice write, Ted.
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, the description helped me better understand this poem.. amazing.. it's well above my level but i do appreciate poetry very much, and your's is due much praise, more than even i can give.. i can't give you much suggestions or critiques, but honest feedback i can..

    In involuntary reaction,
    the body contracts,
    a turtle drawing inward
    in an effort of self-preservation.

    i love these lines,.. such creative comparatives, to think of if like that, metaphorically, is just so easy.. your whole poem has a great rhythm, and just a rich quality to it.. i like how the stanzas are set up kind of as a sequence, and the brevity which totally makes every word that much more meaningful.. the ending was a strong one,.. tying it up so poetically.. the rat perpetually spinning on its wheel,.. your life back on the same routine.. great read.. & i can tell i probably didnt breach the surface of this poems depth, but like i said before, i still know beautiful writing when i read it.. pZ out
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by amenora | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]