Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Slowly Killing Me


Author: Poeticprincess
ASL Info:    18/f/Germany
Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 333 /325 /104
Words: 96
Class/Type: Poetry /The pain inside
Total Views: 810
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 635



Description:


Whew.....finally got that out against my ex...whew i feel better even though i wrote that a week ago lol. So hit me where it hurts. lol....i want honest opinons people


Slowly Killing Me



So slowly are you killing me
I cannot breath
your outter body
is taking away my inner needs
with only you boy
I thought i could succed
but you are
slowly killing me
nightmares i never had
before i met you
between my friends
and your sorry ass i had to chose
a winning battle
only i could lose
makes me wonder
why you never walked in my shoes
so clearly hun you
don't really know me
you were my boy
my dog my homie
only now do i really see
that you were...
killing me....slowly




Submitted on 2005-10-04 14:03:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I thought this was alright. Unlike Brandon, I don't think "dog" and "homie" go well in poetry, which is why it's so beatiful to most people. However, I did like the over-all piece.
| Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by miss__smiles | [ Reply to This ]
  i find this to be very real in the fact that you used comon day terms like "dog" and "homie" you dont find that much of it in writing today. but all and all this is a good poem.
brandon
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



76508