Shadows in the dark by sug90

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Submission Name: Shadows in the dark dots

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Author:	sug90
ASL Info:	14/F/U.S.A.
Elite Ratio:	3.21 - 69/93/34
Words:	96

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	283
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	629

Description:
Uh.. yeah... here it is?? I think it might be a little hard to understand cuz i made some last second changes. Tell me what you think

Shadows in the dark dots

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Sitting in this dark,
Still not as shadowed as my heart
The night hears your breath
Your very soul talking aloud
And for the first time I am listening

My mind wanders about
Meandering between my dreams and this reality
Wishing prayer was enough
To say the things I never said
Erase the lies that, I reasoned,
Wouldn't make anyone cry

These white lies were never supposed
To mingle with dirt
And become darker than this twilight
But tonight it seems the shadows here
Come out when surrounded by light

Submitted on 2005-10-05 16:59:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this poem has several quallities i like about it. the wording the flow it all just seems to fit together to create the scenery of darkness. great write keep up the good work
brandon
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked the way you worded this. it gives off a good detail towards the feeling of this poem. I can put myself in this really easy and thats wut i like about it.

Its a good write

WithBlindedEyez
| Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by withblindedeyez | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved the wording, and the sense of darkness you portrayed in this piece. This could be better, but I did enjoy it none the less. I think there was a lack of flow as well, that may be able to be fixed with some adjusting of lines, or words.
| Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by miss__smiles | [ Reply to This ]
  this is really good, its going in my faves, i donno how to explain it, just gave me chills, it is really good, GREAT JOB! KEEP WRITING..
| Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by anita_89 | [ Reply to This ]
  i could picture this scene.
i think i lived it.
im dead serious.
this is the greatest poem
like.. ever.
favorite add !
//miss//
| Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by Its All A Lie | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really good, I have a really vivid image of a little white lie rolling around in the dirt until it becomes darker than darkest black. I also liked the structure, the way the lines were broken up, but they weren't separate parts, they were still connected.

the words were well written, too. Nice and simple, you were able to come up with something really good without having to result to obscure big words to describe things.

All in all, this is a really nice piece, i quite like it.

Cheers, Azael
| Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
  some good imagery.ryme and format really dont go to well,and you already know this needs work.its not really confussing,just leaves the reader wondering about.

you do express youre self well and creativity is apparent.just turn it up a notch=put some feeling in it

all one persons opinion=one of many

toyysruss
| Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]

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