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I loved You and Then


Author: Sweet as Sugar
ASL Info:    17/F/WY
Elite Ratio:    3.7 - 43 /50 /13
Words: 82
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 860
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 544



Description:


Okay I know this is really bad. I am cringing over here but I needed to get this out and now i feel better. Please help me improve, but be kind because I can write much better then this. Oh and I know it doesn't really flow at all so If you have any suggestions feel free to let them loose (kindly though we don't want any tears)


I loved You and Then



I loved you and then
we were together
away from the world
away from the pain

I loved you and then
happiness was mine
Unusual hope
Unusual desire

I loved you and then
I gazed into your eyes
Soft amber eyes
Soft soothing eyes

I loved you and then
You held me tight
Safe for a while
Safe from the world

I loved you and then
we were never together
It was my dream
It was my heartache




Submitted on 2005-10-05 20:47:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This was a very good poem. I loved this part:
"Unusual hope
Unusual desire"
That was so like, wow...and then the ending had it all crashing down.

Very good peice :)

-Miss M.
| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved you and then you were but a dream...

I too thought that the repetition was catching...it helped set the flow of this peice...normally I dont like to see so much of it in such a short piece but for this...it works
| Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
  Not bad, not bad at all. This poem deserves great credit because if you can write when you feel that you have lost everything and you stil keep going that deserves the highest honor of all.
Keep it up and don't stop even when you think you are about to lose it all.
| Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by poet09 | [ Reply to This ]
  i love it! just love it, it shows so much, and the style you used fit in perfectly. the tittle caugth my eye and i just had to know wtf you were alking about lol
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by crazzybeautiful | [ Reply to This ]
  I totally disagree with you because I see some flow in this poem. This poem is real and I've had my own experiences living in my fantasies. Keep on writing, i see great potential.
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Jac | [ Reply to This ]
  nice repitition, evolved very nice with the theme. However, it is a theme that is dredged out over and over again. It makes headlines when it is displayed in a different way. Here is just the same old. I like your writing style though.
| Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by St. Agatha | [ Reply to This ]


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