I loved You and Then
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Description:
Okay I know this is really bad. I am cringing over here but I needed to get this out and now i feel better. Please help me improve, but be kind because I can write much better then this. Oh and I know it doesn't really flow at all so If you have any suggestions feel free to let them loose (kindly though we don't want any tears)
I loved You and Then
I loved you and then we were together away from the world away from the pain I loved you and then happiness was mine Unusual hope Unusual desire I loved you and then I gazed into your eyes Soft amber eyes Soft soothing eyes I loved you and then You held me tight Safe for a while Safe from the world I loved you and then we were never together It was my dream It was my heartache |
Submitted on 2005-10-05 20:47:18 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| This was a very good poem. I loved this part: "Unusual hope Unusual desire" That was so like, wow...and then the ending had it all crashing down. Very good peice :) -Miss M. | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ] | I loved you and then you were but a dream... | I too thought that the repetition was catching...it helped set the flow of this peice...normally I dont like to see so much of it in such a short piece but for this...it works | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ] | Not bad, not bad at all. This poem deserves great credit because if you can write when you feel that you have lost everything and you stil keep going that deserves the highest honor of all. | Keep it up and don't stop even when you think you are about to lose it all. | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by poet09 | [ Reply to This ] | i love it! just love it, it shows so much, and the style you used fit in perfectly. the tittle caugth my eye and i just had to know wtf you were alking about lol | | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by crazzybeautiful | [ Reply to This ] | I totally disagree with you because I see some flow in this poem. This poem is real and I've had my own experiences living in my fantasies. Keep on writing, i see great potential. | | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Jac | [ Reply to This ] | nice repitition, evolved very nice with the theme. However, it is a theme that is dredged out over and over again. It makes headlines when it is displayed in a different way. Here is just the same old. I like your writing style though. | | Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by St. Agatha | [ Reply to This ] | |
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