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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dwelling Daysdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 263
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1717
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2769



    Description:
       -this is........yeah it is something like that yet not all together exactly like that.........it is different......the possibilities are endless, and each day holds something new for each person....so N-joY!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDwelling Daysdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A new page,
      a clean slate,
       a chapter,
        or after
         another
          “Oh Brother”
           of a day.
    Is it something you dwell on?
    Or do you put it in the past and move on?


    A word can be a page,
      pending on how it is portrayed.
       And the rest is background,
        merely grey fading away.
    Or is it?
    Maybe it is something more,
       but we don't know what it is just yet?


    Too much, too soon, too late.
      It wasn’t enough
       to make this cliché
        seem more meaningful somehow someway.

    All the while
      it’s not about what I say,
       but what people think of this smile,
        midst my charade…
    Either way we will both be o.k.

    No matter how unreal
      or literally how corrupt I feel.
       Everyone still hopes for a glimpse
        of something permanent.
         Maybe just a better way.
    Cause they deserve it??

    A devastating train wreck,
      Each day a new train wreck,
       after train wreck.
        Something so beautiful and surreal,
         yet otherwise perfect.
    Who doesn't love a parade?

    Like a woman’s love,
      Her touch, her blood,
       The way she feels……
        Me and Tolstoy agree.
    That women as a society
      are a necessary unpleasantry….
       That must be avoided indefinitely.


    All of this means so much.
      Yet likely not close to enough.
       But if you wake up tomorrow
        and think that life is too tough;
         Think what it would be like
          in a world without love.


           lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-10-06 06:48:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Just read it, but have no comment, sorry, end of session and brain fried.

    Maybe - it is several poems all mixed together in one? Your other critics like that; but I could argue against them by going: this spontaneous and self-expressive poem could be a source of some more artificial or artistic poems some other day .. it could turn out to be the clay, not the sculpture.
    | Posted on 2008-01-15 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Sweet as...I love it. I have no fathomable idea why I love it other than the rythym, timing and expressed thoughts...not much to love really. ;o)
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by suneideises | [ Reply to This ]
      I hope you don't mind me commenting...I figured that I haven't harrassed you in a long time and you were dou for a beating. Unfortunatley i can't yell at you about your rhyming scheme because it is nearly perfect and the topic was amazing. It really made me think. I don't want to spend too much time on any one thing in life because life is so short...but if i don't spend enough time on something i could miss it altogether. Truely your best piece i've read from you. Bravo!
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Lostlover | [ Reply to This ]
      Because I've been away, I haven't kept up to date with your writing... this is the first thing I've read from you in a long time...

    This is such a far cry from your past writing (which) I always loved, because it is such a remarkable improvement on what you've done in the past... Impressive

    It's so grown up and expressively written and, I enjoyed the hell out of it!
    | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      well LT I have to say though I hardly recognize it but from a “new page” to “of a day” I like how that all goes together. I need a hundred or so do overs or new pages maybe one big mulligan on life. the last two lines hit me yes I am a dwelling type person putting it in the past is extremely difficult for me, though I have made considerable effort recently to do just that.

    very nice here a word as a page and how it is portrayed. and that portrayal can be read differently for different minds. I get hints of light jesting in this, even with the category as serious. case in point stanza three. the fourth stanza is quite strange is like the reverse of what I’ve been taught, look to the outside appearance and not what is said. the sixth stanza the train wreck one that is very real and awfully interesting has me wondering what events those are that could inspire such beauty and surrealism. that has me feeling a little odd about it like a beauty in chaos and the other part of me says right on! I like the honesty in it.

    in the seventh stanza I would hold back my fingers just a little (yes I’m a sissy) but I would add some women as a society and that could very well fit my own beliefs.
    now it seems have a contrast to the previous stanza, for in the end it states what would a life be like without love. I couldn’t think of a better way to end that. splendid job LT,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry..but I am not one that really likes parades...they bore me...Plus...I am terrified of the clowns everywhere.

    Hmmmmmm...I was always taught that you should leave your past where you left it. There is no need for it after it's already been done. So I am not one to dwell on my past.

    This was another great mind boggling write! Are you going through a mental phase that you must question everything around you? I think that I do that too often! LOL

    Great job!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Quite an impressive celebration of life.

    I would say it was a perfectly executed surprise attack on an unexpecting target. The first 7 stanzas seemed as though they were trying to slowly drive to a point about the things that make life worth living... but really, they were just pieces needed to form the background while your audience focus on one frame to another. The thing is, the topic was not the only thing that change... but the drive of the piece as well... the aggressive wordplay sort of gave the idea of a person ranting... or a certain sense of chaos. But, when you got to the last part of the piece... there was a great deal of peace that made everything clear. It's as if saying... nothing else matters.

    The fact is... you are alive... more time to eat dirty ice cream, go to the malboro man, wear nut-huggers or fall in love.

    Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Sheeit, man, this is deep and meaningful...with lots and lots in there, it deserves several reads to realize the thoughts in here.

    It's an unusual take on love, Mike, or should I say "unique" and I love reading thought-provoking pieces, you ask almost as many questions here as statements made!

    My favorite:

    "A devastating train wreck,
    Each day a new train wreck,
    after train wreck.
    Something so beautiful and surreal,
    yet otherwise perfect.
    Who doesn't love a parade?"

    Nice play on words, as love affairs parade by endlessly, like a train, but end up wrecked.

    Excellent work, mate, excellent!

    Glad to hear you're feeling better!

    be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      That was pretty damn good! I got quite a bit of it I think... the last part was the best in my opinion, and I strongly agree w/ what u wrote. Was the poem (in general) about how things are temporary? I kinda got that idea from it. But lemme know if I'm wrong.
    Jeremy
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by shepj | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good stuff here! I really enjoyed this poem. So clever and thought provoking on so many different levels! In my opinion life is too short to dwell on things that have happened. I believe you gotta leave the past in the past, kick yourself in the ass and move on. How else can you possibly find happiness and to me, that is what its all about. The only thing that you can do with the past is learn from it and try not to make the same mistakes again. So much said here in this poem it just gets me to thinking! This is just really good! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm..that's something that definitely provokes alot of thought..cool.
    I'm so glad to see something new from you!
    I'm trying to rack my exhausted brain for something cool and witty to say about this awesome piece, but it's just not coming to me. So how's about I just say it rocked?
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, I would like to comment on the setup of this poem. The structure really emphasizes the topic... and the "dwelling" on certain subjects. Each of the stanzas lines slowly move forward but are almost ... sticky, as in not moving alot... I dont know if that was what you intended to do, but it did remind me of someone trying to move forward, but being alittle stuck.
    The ending was paramount. It really brought the poem together, and it was very climatic, it wasn't just BAM! love is what is nessacary, you built up the anticipation over the last few stanzas. The beginning was also a good way to start, you started with something simple, developed the idea, and worked in more complex ideas... starting with the page of a book and working all the way up to a woman and what you love about her.

    I really enjoyed this!

    -Ann
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]


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    76712

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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