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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Story Part 1dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 703



    Description:
       This is seriously my story


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Story Part 1dots
    -------------------------------------------


    As you sit and relax
    Where does your mind go?
    Does it really stay
    Or does it fly and move on?

    Do you see the future
    Or meditate on the past?
    Does time sit still
    Or does it runs really fast?

    I do not know this
    But you are invited into my thoughts
    Some will sympathize
    And some will care not

    So the journey begins
    Into the mind of a teen
    Are you all ready for this?
    To see the things that I've seen?

    I will just say one more thing
    No I wont break down and sing
    But this comes from within
    So it might make your feelings sting




    Submitted on 2005-10-06 14:46:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Gimme gimme gimme...I want to know..I want to know...

    There is a line in this that caught me...

    When you sit...do you think of the past or the future...you know...I never really paid attention...I would have to say that I think about the past more...that's not a good thing...I need to forget the past...it's pretty ugly...and when I say pretty ugly...there really isn't anything pretty about it...

    This was something.

    Much love,

    Li
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay this will be interesting. I like it. Yeah, I get to see into the mind of someone else.
    My fav part:
    So the journey begins
    Into the mind of a teen
    Are you all ready for this?
    To see the things that I've seen?
    Okay now I have to go and read the other parts.

    Drea
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very intriguing! This is a very well written beginning and leaves the reader wanting more of the story. You begin this poem with lots of questions and they blend it into the beginning of your tale. I am interested to find out where this one goes as you have said this is in fact about you. This has a really good flow to it and the rhyme is good too! I shall await the next part! Nice beginning! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm so intruiged... curious. This is a lovely start to your poem, the writing is very simple but I think it works best like that in a series... makes it easier to digest, you know?
    The questions and direct speech to the reader are cool, makes you (me, I guess) feel moe involved, which I always like in longer poems. It's sometimes hard to establish a connection with a poet when you can barely understand what they're saying.
    I'll be eagerly awaiting the next one...
    x
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by AllyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this...its the basic story of a teen...and i think all teens ask those questions at one time or another to someone. i shows lots of emotion and thats always a good thing. good work. god bless. ashley N.D.
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by lil_gh0st_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      Hee-hee...yeah, but have you ever stayed the night at a Holiday Inn Express? HA! Just being a dork.

    Nice write Jose. I have the same questions float around in my feable mind from time to time as well.

    Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it, but now I want the rest. I'm interested. I like the part:

    "Some will sympathize
    And some will care not"

    I would expand on the many reasons WHY I like it, but I am kind of falling asleep here. Appearantly, I dont sleep at night anymore, but I do durning the day. It's terrible. Anywho... the way you wrote this is good. It starts pulling you in... and then it just stops. Yay I cant wait for the rest. As always... excellent...

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    76740

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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