Never Leave by fallen_angl

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Never Leave dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	fallen_angl_2
ASL Info:	27/F/Tennessee
Elite Ratio:	3.16 - 24/20/3
Words:	74

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	402
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	492

Description:
I was sitting looking out my window wishing for my lover. Hope you like. *smiles*

Never Leave dots

-------------------------------------------

Staring out my window
Wishing you were near
Scarring you away
That is what I fear

Needing you I crave
Wanting you so much
I’m your blinded slave
Bleeding for your touch

Dreaming of your lust
Pleading for your kiss
Hoping for your trust
Giving me such bliss

Dieing for your love
Pounding in my heart
Praying to heaven above
Our worlds will never part.

Submitted on 2005-10-06 17:57:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  [Scarring] you away = scaring

[Dieing] for your love = dying

so you wrote this a coupla years ago now.
im just going through all the ppl on the recent sign-in page and commenting on something on their list and i found this.
i think it would be very interesting to see what you would write now ater staring out a window thinking/waiting about/for a lover...

i feel stupid commenting on this almost because i am quite convinced your work can only have progressed from this point.

this piece is lacking in imagery and i think you could prolly have fleshed it out a little.
the way you have pieced your words together seems jarred and forced in places.

but yeah... if you post anything any time soon be sure to let me know... id be keen to check it out

| Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  i've felt like this rather recently... i really like it and it kinda makes me feel better that i ditched the guy that was making me feel like that and now i'm with someone that i love even more than i ever thought that i could love someone...
| Posted on 2007-02-16 00:00:00 | by angeldust | [ Reply to This ]
  nice!!!
this made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
the words seem to flow so easily, so honest!
this is excellent in overall but i just couldn't stop reading this part over and over again:

Dreaming of your lust
Pleading for your kiss
Hoping for your trust
Giving me such bliss

you give this vibe of a protective person, and a gentle soul..
| Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by flaming_text | [ Reply to This ]
  It's a daunting thing to have found something so immeasurable such as the notion of love.
For some reason the premise that love defines becomes something intangible and shrouded in uncertainty when it's realised and our mind plays folly to the thought of how to hold and maintain that connectivity - "the mystical ideal".
It makes us do, say and react in ways we have never thought we could prior to it's discovery and now the constant thought becomes one of trying to hold it for as long as we can - "the maintenance of the connection".

I wish you well in your maintenance and hope that you find that that makes things like love last forever.... So they never leave.

A beautiful piece that speaks of want and unknown want.
| Posted on 2006-12-26 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
  its very interesting, i like the flow and the ryime(sorry if i spelt it wrong)

see ya around the poetry bend
draconus
| Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by draconus | [ Reply to This ]
  Very Beautifully written poem. I especially love this stanza

"Dreaming of your lust
Pleading for your kiss
Hoping for your trust
Giving me such bliss"

I can deffinatly relate to that feeling that you instilling right there.. Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

R.bayden
| Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by remedy bayden | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like this, it was good with they rhyming but if you don't mind a suggestion maybe you could do another version of it as free verse? it's not that this was bad it's just I'm curious as to what it would be like. you had soo much emotion in this one and I can definatly relate, it hurts that even when you're happy with the person in the back of your mind you have to think about the pain that you would go through if you ever lost them, sometimes such thoughts hold us back from being as happy as we could with the person, which is really an ironic circle, but anyway this was an awesome write and I can't wait to read more take care,
~jess
| Posted on 2006-07-21 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked it, as in the ryhms, but more than that I loved the meaning of the poem, how you never want them to go, always wanting that person by your side and never have to see them sad, angry, are hurt only staying there with them for all eternity, ya I like this poem alot, it makes me actualy cry a bit, I just got something in my eye well anyway I loved the last part
Dieing for your love
Pounding in my heart
Praying to heaven above
Our worlds will never part.
that was the best, thanks for making something good to read, that actualy had meaning, but you need to make it longer, no offence but you I feel you took out a few things that you realy wanted to say.

-Ryan PEACE OUT
| Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by the heartless | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, you captured my devotion to my husband as my number 1 for now and ever. I too wish for your happiness in love... thank you, i can tell this poem came from a good place, where all is true.. take care, shalini
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by sbridges | [ Reply to This ]
  i like rain... i'm friends with the rain. her name is Sheila. no, i'm NOT crazy.
it's a nice flowing poem and good rhymes, if not original. but who cares anyway right?
just a spell check you are afrain of "scaring" the guy away not scarring him for life right? scare vs scar?
k maybe i'm silly... but good write i votes on it!
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ]
  Well... what can I say here? Just this - I hope you find the love that you're looking for and I hope you 2 are forever happy! Good luck finding your Prince Charming!
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very well done ! Structure, theme and your choice of words were superb. The whole thing rhymed very well and it flowed effortlessley. A very good write.
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this, i've felt this way before so it helped to keep me interst and i liked your flow the words seemed to melt into the others good job
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.