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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I've Helped Myselfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: toyysruss
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 494/336/134
    Words: 246
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1099
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1577



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI've Helped Myselfdots
    -------------------------------------------






    i've helped myself to a whole lot of pain
    a double helping i suspect
    greed gets us no where
    theres plenty to go around,and i'm looking all around,for something to wash it down with

    i've helped myself to a whole lot of saddness
    boy,i'm sure getting fat here.
    is It the content,or quanity,that makes you full
    makes you so full of It
    and It can be any It
    i am so full of It
    for helping myself to,
    to much of It

    helping myself to suffering. should have stoped on the first plate.
    but late i did not want to become
    the line is long,the helpings tremendous
    for these types of feelings to be so popular,

    we must need a loan
    because sense this does not make

    i can barley walk
    i look like a horse.a feedbag straped to my face
    this is ok
    no one i wish to see,in this condition
    being so greedy
    and at the same time being so needy
    that math does not add up
    to anything but 1
    alone

    a weight plan,is that the
    well,we need some kind
    and i'm going on one
    going on one,and a hopeing on two
    because helping myself to lonliness
    finally tipped the scales
    my plan will have to be supervised
    by a trained doctor
    unable to control my appetite
    my cravings for feeling miserable
    i guess it's slow suicide

    we Need you now, doc




    Submitted on 2005-10-06 18:05:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this poem is based on a great idea.
    it is very witty and ironic!

    I like the comparison between needy and greedy, but I agree with Meckes and Cat

    after the great first part it rambles onů.with some editing in the last two verses it could be really good
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting... It enjoyed the metaphor carried throughout the piece, but I must admit it grew pretty redundant after a while... I definitely think you could and should make this a bit more compact because it rambles on a bit... I just got tired of hearing about how you gorged yourself on "It"... I got it the first few times it was said and I don't feel it needed to be repeated... Otherwise, it was good... I enjoyed your descriptions especially of you being a horse with a feeding sack... Overall I'd say it was a good piece that you could easily turn into a great one
    | Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by Meckes | [ Reply to This ]
      "helping myself to suffering. should have stoped on the first plate." your words speak truth on so many different levels. This piece can relate to almost every situation of self indulgence and makes you stop and think about just how blindly you are living your life. I think you need a good dosage og happiness though becasue after reading a poem like this it just makes me want to hug my son and never let go!

    Beautifully written,
    Ella
    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      and i'm looking all around,for something to wash it down with

    I like this...I like how this is a bit sarcastic and it's sad and it brings out a lot of emotions that you seem to be feeling. This is different and spacy and weird...how I like my art,lol, Kurt Cobain said that and I think it is an accurate quote for this poem. Nice, really.

    Jaz
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      It was highly amusing yet at the same time very deep, although it did seem as if this was intended to be so. Some of the spelling was a little dodgy (I'm being a little hypocritical there since I got 16% on my last spelling test but oh well) I agreed with some of the things you said although I would never have thought of them that way, it was a different view on things which I really liked. The poem itself I thought could use a fine combing and maybe another draft or two before another displaying of it. Sorry.
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by Cat | [ Reply to This ]
      a very powerful piece. it says a lot, and leaves it open for individual interpretations at the same time. as i read this i could only think of my friend, who i see driving themself into a hole, and i've tried to help, and suggested getting help, and while they admitt they should they refuse to give it a chance.

    i really like some of the lines in the poem, especially "we must need a loan/because sense this does not make". its a nice play on words that really made me stop and think for a little bit.

    great piece; keep it up.

    ~smlaw
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by smlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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