I've Helped Myself by toyysruss

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Submission Name: I've Helped Myself dots

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Author:	toyysruss
Elite Ratio:	4.2 - 494/336/134
Words:	246

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	1099
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1577

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I've Helped Myself dots

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i've helped myself to a whole lot of pain
a double helping i suspect
greed gets us no where
theres plenty to go around,and i'm looking all around,for something to wash it down with

i've helped myself to a whole lot of saddness
boy,i'm sure getting fat here.
is It the content,or quanity,that makes you full
makes you so full of It
and It can be any It
i am so full of It
for helping myself to,
to much of It

helping myself to suffering. should have stoped on the first plate.
but late i did not want to become
the line is long,the helpings tremendous
for these types of feelings to be so popular,

we must need a loan
because sense this does not make

i can barley walk
i look like a horse.a feedbag straped to my face
this is ok
no one i wish to see,in this condition
being so greedy
and at the same time being so needy
that math does not add up
to anything but 1
alone

a weight plan,is that the
well,we need some kind
and i'm going on one
going on one,and a hopeing on two
because helping myself to lonliness
finally tipped the scales
my plan will have to be supervised
by a trained doctor
unable to control my appetite
my cravings for feeling miserable
i guess it's slow suicide

we Need you now, doc

Submitted on 2005-10-06 18:05:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  this poem is based on a great idea.
it is very witty and ironic!

I like the comparison between needy and greedy, but I agree with Meckes and Cat

after the great first part it rambles on….with some editing in the last two verses it could be really good
| Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
  Interesting... It enjoyed the metaphor carried throughout the piece, but I must admit it grew pretty redundant after a while... I definitely think you could and should make this a bit more compact because it rambles on a bit... I just got tired of hearing about how you gorged yourself on "It"... I got it the first few times it was said and I don't feel it needed to be repeated... Otherwise, it was good... I enjoyed your descriptions especially of you being a horse with a feeding sack... Overall I'd say it was a good piece that you could easily turn into a great one
| Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by Meckes | [ Reply to This ]
  "helping myself to suffering. should have stoped on the first plate." your words speak truth on so many different levels. This piece can relate to almost every situation of self indulgence and makes you stop and think about just how blindly you are living your life. I think you need a good dosage og happiness though becasue after reading a poem like this it just makes me want to hug my son and never let go!

Beautifully written,
Ella
| Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
  and i'm looking all around,for something to wash it down with

I like this...I like how this is a bit sarcastic and it's sad and it brings out a lot of emotions that you seem to be feeling. This is different and spacy and weird...how I like my art,lol, Kurt Cobain said that and I think it is an accurate quote for this poem. Nice, really.

Jaz
| Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  It was highly amusing yet at the same time very deep, although it did seem as if this was intended to be so. Some of the spelling was a little dodgy (I'm being a little hypocritical there since I got 16% on my last spelling test but oh well) I agreed with some of the things you said although I would never have thought of them that way, it was a different view on things which I really liked. The poem itself I thought could use a fine combing and maybe another draft or two before another displaying of it. Sorry.
| Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by Cat | [ Reply to This ]
  a very powerful piece. it says a lot, and leaves it open for individual interpretations at the same time. as i read this i could only think of my friend, who i see driving themself into a hole, and i've tried to help, and suggested getting help, and while they admitt they should they refuse to give it a chance.

i really like some of the lines in the poem, especially "we must need a loan/because sense this does not make". its a nice play on words that really made me stop and think for a little bit.

great piece; keep it up.

~smlaw
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by smlaw | [ Reply to This ]

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