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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: rainy embracedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: smlaw
    ASL Info:    18/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 56/37/10
    Words: 393
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 965
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1943



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsrainy embracedots
    -------------------------------------------


    he knew it was time that he walk outside into the rain to leave for home, already 15 minutes late for curfew. but he wasn't looking foward to the 20 minute drive home alone that would come to an end by being lectured by his parents about the importance of being home on time; about how worried sick they were (even if he had just woken them up from in front of the tv when he pulled in). he didn't want to go home. he wanted so badly to stay where he was. he felt comfotable. he was having fun. he hadn't gotten to spend this much time with her since they had first met without a call from parents wondering where one of them was. it was just so nice to being lying there with her watching the movie with her and some other friends from school. even if they weren't alone, it felt like they were just by lying in eachother's arms.

    he finally got himself to his feet and said that he really should be going and that he was already going to be in trouble, and didn't need more of it to be coming his way. she got up too and offered to walk him out to his car. he said she didn't have to, but inside was dieing for her to come with him just so that he could even hold her hand down the steps and out to the car. she seemed to understand this and was persitent in going with him. he said good bye; she said she'd be right back.

    they headed down the steps in the rain, which seemed to come down heavier and heavier, and almost slipped on the slick wood. they walked out to his car. he went to say good bye. they embraced eachother out in the rain, both shivering from the cold, but warm from the others body at the same time. neither wanted to say good bye, but both knew they had to. now 25 minutes late, he insisted that he had to leave and admitted that he wish he didn't have to. on last quick embrace. he got into his car; she ran back to the house.




    Submitted on 2005-10-06 19:39:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was an interesting story to say the least. Kinda reminds me of my younger days. A little short, but a good start. Maybe you could write some more into the ending and let us know what happened.
    !doc`
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      since i can't edit the description i'm going to put it here (since i've had comments about the end):

    I wrote this about something that happened in the spring when i was dating a girl. i was recently thinking about her and remembered that night, and thought that it would be a great story to share. As much as i agree that the ending is kind of lame, thats the way it happened and instead of romanticizing the ending (b/c for me that ending always gives me back the butterflies i had as i drove off).

    just wanted to share that so that i hopefully don't recieve more comments about the ending!

    ~sean
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by smlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, it's good. A story has to be able to hold the reader's attention, and I couldn't go anywhere without finding out what was going to happen...now that's a tiny bit tame, small stories need a kick'arse ending, a punch line, or something there that makes them great.

    Your descriptions are fine, tho I'm not a fan of the "no capitals" style, it just seems to me to be part of a much larger story.

    Still a nice enjoyable read, however, but to stand on its own, I'd write a shock ending.

    Well done

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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