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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Sunshinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: miss__smiles
    ASL Info:    16/f/Soo, Ont
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 117/110/20
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 799
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 887



    Description:
       All about sun being an inspiration!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sunshinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    My world is crashing down
    I'm hearing sounds, no one's around.
    I'm feeling depressed, angry, sad
    I'm feeling guilty, naughty, bad.
    Feeling everything I can feel
    Although I know that none of it's real.
    I want to grab a blade, slit my wrists
    I just can't go on living like this.
    Hating the world, and everything in it
    Your trying to help me, I'm throwing a fit.
    I just can't go on living like this
    I'm sitting, waiting for deaths precious kiss.
    Waiting for a way out
    So I no longer have to sit and pout.
    I keep myself locked away
    In this dark house I stay.
    But the sun's still shining outside
    So I've got no reason to hide.
    The sun's still shining bright:
    That's my reason to put up a fight.




    Submitted on 2005-10-06 21:11:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm glad this ended up on a "bright" note! I thought the rhyme was solid and flowed well and I'm glad you could find the inspiration!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, I didn't mind it, a little bit different from the rest.
    I liked the rhyming structure you used, it worked fine.
    Try describing the darkness, how sad and bleak and black it is, and then allude to the light.

    I liked the way you ended it, better than most.

    Well done

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm glad you ended the poem like that. However, the piece is hardly original as in most cutters. That's why a good percentage of your commentors can relate to it. The rhyming was sort of elementary at some ponts. But obviously this was a vent so usually we just flow when we vent. For the most part it was an okay piece. Just seek for originality...

    X
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good one.. the entire piece is dark but this definitely has a rock solid ending.. though i think this could have been more powerful if the rhyming had been a little less.. just an opinion.. anyways a good write!
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by nnehriya | [ Reply to This ]
      I completely agree with the last commenter, i too empathize with you. It felt like you were writing about my life.. really well done, you are a great poet.
    take care, sb
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by sbridges | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my god if i didnt know better id swear i was reading my own poem
    i can so relate to this
    i know exactly what your going thru trust me
    take a deep breath and relax life is a gift
    whatever you do dont try hard drugs because they will destroy you TRUST me on this
    if you ever need someone to talk to just commment me ill always lend an ear to talk to
    Please take care of yourself
    i dont know what religion you are but may i suggest prayer it carried me to a beautiful new life
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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