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    dots Submission Name: Tell tale heartdots

    Author: Brownsdelight
    ASL Info:    25/F/NUEVO MEXICO
    Elite Ratio:    4.43 - 1251/1055/115
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1714
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679

       Seems as though no matter how deep you bury the truth.....your tell tale heart unearths it....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTell tale heartdots

    Be still my beating heart
    Least the truth be known
    For he is no longer yours
    Your love he’s disowned

    Hush now racing blood
    Least he can hear your rush
    For no longer does he long
    For yours, but another’s touch.

    Voice do not waiver
    You must regain control
    Eyes do not hold gaze
    Least he sees into your soul

    Tears do not fail me
    By running hot and fast
    For he no longer takes pity
    You’re now a time from his past.

    Legs do not quiver
    Letting weakness show
    He’s the one who walked away
    Now you must let him go.

    Submitted on 2005-10-07 15:01:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I just read this again. And it's still incredible. I honestly don't remember commenting on it. I still tell myself these things all the time. This is just a wonderful poem.
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really deep and personal write
    You showed us thru this write how you let the positive energy in to fight away the negativity of a lost relationship
    Very well written
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem. I truly did. Ive had to let somebody go before and it was hard as hell. Everytime theyd text me or call me to appologize, I wanted to forgive so bad and just let things go and start off fresh, but I had to be the stronger one and let it go. Its a hard process...something Im still struggling with. But I liked the poem alot and can relate like you couldn't imagine.
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by PrettyRicki | [ Reply to This ]
      This is again a really good poem written by you brown. I really enjoy reading your work. It has such feeling and emotion into that it can't be described You don't have to change anything about this poem. It is great as it is. You have taken a tough moment but in the end made it sweet by the set of the tone instead of angry and mad. You are an excellent writer that is all i have to say about that. Thanks for another wonderful piece.
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by sweet_innocence | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this. It was quiet and accepting instead of the usual angry breakup poem. You seem to show a deep understanding that when love is over there is nothing you can do. Its in the past and will stay in the past even though you don't want it to be. Like:
    "Legs do not quiver
    Letting weakness show
    He's the one who walked away
    Now you must let him go"
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Sweet as Sugar | [ Reply to This ]
      very beautiful. great great poem!
    ~Eyes do not hold gaze
    Least he sees into your soul~
    thats my favorite part. very expressive. alot of emotion.very well writen poem over-all. im adding it to my favorites list also. have a nice day.
    | Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by star_on_fire22 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very mature breakup poem, because you are more accepting and less spiteful. You look after yourself, rather than scorn your ex lover's path.

    From here, only he can complicate things, should he choose to come back...he was a moron for leaving you in the first place.

    Hopefully that if and when things get more complicated, you can handle that as well as you handled losing him.

    The real loss is his...I hope he gets an STD HEHE EEEEWWWW

    | Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by iShoes | [ Reply to This ]
      This was excellent, although in the state I'm in, I really shouldn't have read it as it has me almost in tears!

    You really hit this emotion and the scene perfectly, it was well detailed, and very emotional. Though I'm not surprised, I've enjoyed all the work I've read of yours. Don't ever stop writing...you'll stay in my prayers, and I know something awesome is going to happen in your life. I know it.

    Kick butt pic too..I love it!

    *hugs a plenty*
    | Posted on 2005-10-14 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
      definitely let him go... it makes me so sad to have to read these poems by you chica... i would rather you be happy, but if this is your way of getting it all out, then i will read everything you have to say.

    i don't know how many times i've told you this, but you are STRONG and BEAUTIFUL and all that good stuff, and YOU KNOW IT! cuz if you don't, i'ma have to fly down to nuevo mexico and knock some sense into ya! and i don't have money for airfare, so don't make me have to do something illegal to get it. kidding. but for real though, once you can finally, truly, accept in your heart that you are better of without him, you'll be that much more happy, and that much more at peace with yourself. [love ya sis] ...bb...

    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]

    Let him go girl! LET HIM GO! No good for nothin, lyin, creepin, dirty, nasty azz...

    Sorry...got carried away there!

    For real though...let him go! Let him realize after time how much HE MESSED UP! Then...just look at him and LAUGH YOUR AZZ OFF!

    THis was tight girl! Go ahead and share them emotions!

    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Just f*cking great. Let me have a nervous breakdown right here in the library because the things that you write so mirror what I am feeling. This was really beautiful. That's all I really know to say. It's beautiful, it's eloquent, and it's both delicate and tough. You create some really beautiful poetry.
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good write, T. Simple and tight, it expresses how one feels when a breakup occurs. Not ready to give up yet knowing we must and trying to hold it together. You ended with a very strong stanza. Great job.
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so sad... trying to hold it all in least he see how you grieve his leaving.. trying to be strong when all you really want to do is breakdown and release the pain.

    very expressive and powerful in keeping the pain at bay lest it break you in two.

    | Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This does have a very classic feel, but there are more than a couple of clichés in this (I admit that I'm guilty of that too though). I still like it, but I just think that it could be more unique in both style and content. I like your rhyme in "Hush now racing blood/ Least he can hear your rush." I like your use of near rhyme too. I hope you don't get angry with me. It's just my opinion.
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I knew what I wanted when I chose to read this piece and you didn't disappoint me. You've written a beautiful write. Although in some spots I found the flow was a little off. And in this stanza

    Voice do not waiver
    You must regain control
    Eyes do not hold gaze
    Least he sees into your soul

    Waver is spelt < like that.

    Legs do not quiver
    Letting weakness show
    He’s the one who walked away
    Now you must let him go.

    That was my favourite stanza, although I do think that the flow was off in the first line, adding a please before the do not could fix that though.
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      Tina, Tina, Tina...

    Another fine piece from you!

    Excellent choice of words and expressed feelings. It reads very sweet indeed - heart-wrenching...(bittersweet) wouldn't change a thing for fear of losing the feelings you expressed here...

    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]

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