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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: An empty Shelldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DanceADream
    ASL Info:    16 f canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.05 - 205/153/29
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 842
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 667



    Description:
       i am not really sure what this means...maybe you keep getting dragged back into things that you know in your heart are truely wrong. Then you feel like a lone shell, empty, going in and out with the tide every day. The ocean could represent something supposed to be adventerous and interesting...but you dread it and hate it and never want to go back.


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    dotsAn empty Shelldots
    -------------------------------------------


    The voices echo through out my visions
    Like the waves in a shell
    So long ago and far away
    Yet they well you up with emotion

    And you never want tide to go out
    To bring you back to reality
    Only to rough you up and shut you out
    You'll never be the same again

    AS you stare out your window
    You feel a distant sense of lonliness
    While your eyes are drowning in a sea of tears
    And your heart skips a beat

    The feelings of abandonment and lonliness
    Still drag you with the tide
    And when it goes back out, you know
    You're not coming back




    Submitted on 2005-10-07 16:35:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ahhh but the tide comes in too...smile...reading this made me think of the beach I walk often...usually daily...and I use it as a "reflecting place"...a place of strength...pure thought...being there alot of times...just me...alone...as this work makes you feel reading it...yet...when I am there...thinking...I am not alone...just "away" for a little while...similar to you...
    Excellent words that make you invision them, not just read them..."Yet they well you up with emotion"...
    If you are feeling...you are living...and loving I say...soon to again...
    Take Care,
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      Reading this I felt a sense of great loss...emptiness...something I have been feeling myself over someone...

    could have been my wife...

    Give things time...what is meant to be seems to find a way to fulfill its own destiny given time to understand the true tenderness of love.

    This is written with thoughts deeper thant the actual words used...excellent impact... and struck a moving feeling within me. Thank you...
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok I liked your words but the choice of how you put them together did not flow well in my head I felt that to express your emotions with a sea so big you could have your words flow with each tidel wave.
    Peace Mandy
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by mandy dupuis | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this was beautiful. I love the way you've chosen to represent yourself with this one. Each metaphor is easy to understand and imagine, it adapts to its muse easily. I enjoyed reading it. Its flow is good and I just realised I didn't even notice that it didnt rhyme, it flowed so well for me. Which is a big deal as I'm usually a fan of writes that rhyme.
    Laura-Grace
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      oooh, very sad indeed. Hey, where you been?

    Anyway, you've put some thought into this, keeping the "ocean" theme going right through. I like the way you started it by giving that echoing feeling of n empty shell to the ear.
    The line "heart skips a beat" just seemed to be a bit out of place with the rest. Perhaps you could use "undertow" here to keep in with the ocean theme.

    Very well done, though, I really liked it, it's sad, and haunting and lovely to read.

    Well done

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      hey very good write
    i like the way you used the sea to express your inner self
    do not be afraid of your emotions
    you can use them to help you become stronger and feel better
    for instance if a person keeps hearing there dumb or not normal than they are going to do evreything in there power to prove to these people they are not
    im troubled with the last line
    and when it goes back out you know your not coming back
    just try and remain positive dont give up
    if you need someone to talk to just comment me ill answer i promise
    please take care of yourself and continue to write it makes us feel better
    | Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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