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    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: seedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hidden_cry
    ASL Info:    16/female/canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.74 - 23/25/13
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 193
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 816



    Description:
       I just want to know what people think about my poem. And if anyone can help me out it would be great


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsseedots
    -------------------------------------------



    She sat on the floor in her bedroom,
    Thinking about the stuff she has been though.
    Looking back on the pain,
    Crying from the stain.
    She pulled out a kinfe,
    Looked at her life.
    She didn't see,
    What she could be.
    She didn't see,
    The love that could set her free.
    She looked inside her heart,
    And fell apart.
    So she held the knife,
    And slowly ended her life.
    Life is quick,
    But this time it was quicker.
    She couldn't see,
    All she could be.
    So she went up to her room,
    Locked her door,
    Cut her wrist,
    And fell to the floor.
    Its sad it see her life ending this way,
    One deep cut and ther was nothing to say.

    Ashley




    Submitted on 2005-10-07 23:20:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Red Liquid and i think you ment through and not though..idk a couple of typos. But all around this was a good poem I hope to read more from you. (but don't you just hate when a lot of people look at your poems but no one comments).
    Much Support,
    Danni
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      it was good but it didnt flow, a poem doesnt have to rythm sometimes it flows better without ryhming but there was a good story line to it which is very important because u hav to keep the targted audience intrested.
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by Red Liquid | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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