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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fairdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hidden_cry
    ASL Info:    16/female/canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.74 - 23/25/13
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 181
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 812



    Description:
       I want to know what people think about this poem it has alot to do with my life.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFairdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look into your heart
    Is your life what you wanted it to be.
    If u seen your passed would you fall apart,
    Would you even want to see.
    What your life is for,
    Or if there is a reason to feel,
    The sin''s of your parents mistakes,
    As your just a little girl
    Is it fair?
    That you were abused,
    Because your mother couldnt take it.
    Is it fair?
    That your mothers her boyfriends wanted you,
    That you couldnt stop it,
    Is it fair?
    That your heart is broken
    And no one knew,
    Is it fair?
    That you took your life,
    And you now going to hell?
    Is it fair?
    That a little girl didnt want to go on
    Bacause her life was so horrible.

    Ashley




    Submitted on 2005-10-08 18:26:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      KEEP WRITING..that's all i can say you are progressing into a good writer and i think that you should never ever ever put down your writing pen. lol i'm sorry your life is like that and i can't say somethings because Toxic_Rayne said the things i wanted to say. I hope your life is getting better though. And you did repeat some words a little more than nesscary. Overall this was a good read.
    Much Support,
    Danni
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the idea of this poem, it's real beautiful, but it could use a few touch ups. Try making more of the words rhyme, you started doing it at the beginning, but then you sort of forgot to do it towards the middle. I can tell that this poem is very personal to you. The words show that it's heart-felt. I think you have good potential. Another thing, instead of repeating "is it fair?", try looking up a thesaurus and finding other words that have the same meaning as fair. I find thesauruses very useful when you're writting a poem or song that has to have a word repeated.
    Otherwise, I really like your poem, I hope life gets better for you. Good luck with my advice.
    | Posted on 2005-10-08 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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