Hate you or love you?? by fallen

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Submission Name: Hate you or love you?? dots

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Author:	fallen_angel384
ASL Info:	17/Female/uk
Elite Ratio:	3.26 - 59/87/22
Words:	122

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	343
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	698

Description:

Hate you or love you?? dots

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so much i need to tell you,
so much i need to say,
but all the thoughts in my head,
keep getting in the way.

how do i tell you,
where do i start,
why dont you care,
that you broke my heart!?

you say you still care,
but i know that your lying,
but my love for you is still there,
but slowly dying.

why do i hate you and
love you at the same time?
why can't you stop playing
with this heart and mind of mine??

you told me you loved me
but i know you never cared
so why am i still wishing that
when i fall you'll be there?

Submitted on 2005-10-09 05:47:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I’m not one for repeaters so close but I kind of like it the way it is on the first two lines. it read good all the way through the first stanza. As it goes on here there is feeling but there isn’t that much dimension. Take it with a grain because I am the person who adds a heck of a lot of dimension to my writes which often loses people. I would try taking more risks with a write and be more creative. You have a piece you can start with and it is nice but never rest, keep going with it. one correction for the second stanza “dont” should be “don’t” It is sad though with the heart breaking. Now the third stanza is much better for me there is more here with someone saying they care but there are lies and though there is love it is dying. That something you can think on. The fourth I do like even better the hate and love conflict those are the worst it is an emotional nightmare. Stanza three verse three and four does sound a little soft rockish I do not wish to offend. in the fifth stanza first a slight echo not verbatim but the idea is pushed yet again as was in the previous stanzas then the end is nice. nice job,

~mike
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  This was an awesome write...wow there was alot of emotion and I really got what you were saying..I can relate. this had an amazing flow and the wording was perfect...it was almost as if the reader were somehow thought the words rather than read them...you have alot of talent;)
keep writing.
peace
| Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  this is hard, i know I went through stuff that looks like that read my poems if you want (exept:the school one, Dammit, and Glad to be with you, they are different [tlks about someone else])
But good job, Continue!
Kev-
| Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by Wolfeye_666 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow.This poem is absolutly AMAZING!!! Ryhme and flow are PERFECT.I love how this describes love.It describes how if you have ever broken up w/ the one you love you STILL love them but the love does eventually die out.I love it!!!
[-Candace-]
| Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by ArtichokeMosher | [ Reply to This ]
  noooooooooooooo you just wrote the poem of my life since a month ago. You just captured my feelings and wrote them down. Is that humanly possible. I loved it and i'm gonna add it to my faviortes. 'Cause i relate to this poem so much it's not even funny. Keep writing.
Much luv and support,
Danni
| Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
  I have soooo many writings that ask these same questions, because I have unfortunatly been through the same thing. I'm still not completely over my experience, but this poem, along with some of my own, have helped a lot. Move forward at your own pace (if you haven't already).

C.ME
| Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by CompletelyME | [ Reply to This ]
  ok, as a guy perspective . ( true guys not a players) we guys have feelings for the one we loved, but we afraid to get hurt again by the lies from the girls. as from a players view. the guys just say they care for the sex and once they got it or not they move on and they wish to not hurt the girl's feelings by saying I used you they just say i care

hope itr helped peace
| Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by dudethis | [ Reply to This ]

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