Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Wishfully Hoping pt 1

Author: Poeticprincess
ASL Info:    18/f/Germany
Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 333 /325 /104
Words: 534
Class/Type: Random Thoughts /Longing
Total Views: 585
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2646


okay me and my friend were feeling..poetic so we just started writing a train of yea tell me what you think of what i wrote since i'm not writing her part in........maybe later. But this is Dedicated to David.....
Love Always,

Wishfully Hoping pt 1

This horrid pain that i too feel...we shall both dwell in it until the relief reaches our souls. One day the one i love will apologize for lying and breaking my heart. Than i won't dwell on this feeling of betrayal or this feeling of want. The ungodly urge to pick up the phone and call him. Ask him why he was so cold hearted towards me in the the last couple of days we were togther. Remeber the sweeter days of when he use to hold me. When his kisses touched nobody but my lips. Now all i feel is sorrow. Lost in a song of emotion. Wanting him to caress me as he use to. The way he would make me laugh seems all so far away, the way that we use to just lay under the stars His cologne that use to stain my skin after i spent the night at his house. The warmth of his t- shirt that i wore right after we just got finished kisses in the rain were i was soaked. The way i lay my head against his shoulder and fell asleep. Taking in his scent that is so distant the honey sweet taste of his kiss that use to bless my lips. Wishing that i could find my way back into his grace. Wishing that one day we will have what we one day lost. Hoping that he will come back to me and pick up the pieces of my broken heart ready to heal them, put them back together, I could care less that he hurt me almost beyond repair. All i care about is having him back in my arms. These arms now stained with the hope of what use to be. Dripping with the sorrow that i may never again hold him. That maybe another holds his heart. Fighting the urge to cry, the urge to want to die. Still not understanding the reasons things didn't turn out the way they were supposed to....wishfully hoping. I still hear the distant sound of his voice whispering in my ear that he'd marry me. That we would one day have children. The rush of pain goes through my body as i step inot a laked drowned in the light of the moon. I lie on my back and float as i stare at the stars. Remebering when he told me he loved me and he would never hurt me. When he told me to rid myself of a habit that could've killed me. The suicide of the first time we made love. The rush of passion that filled my dreams as i ran my fingers over his face as my virginity became his. The way his gentle hands ran down the curves of my body. And after we had finished he whispered in my ear that he'd never let me go. Then the day he broke my heart when i saw him kissing...trying desperately to erase that thought from my mind the tears start to flood out of my eyes like the blood that flowed from my wrist the day before i met him. I feel the water slowly covering my body....slowly.

Submitted on 2005-10-09 21:56:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I love this, full of emotions. I do hope you get over this guy, he's obviously not worth it. There are many nice guys out there, that will treat you better
Much love
| Posted on 2005-10-14 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
  'The suicide of the first time we made love.'

That is my favorite line out of the whole poem. I got hazy in the middle but that stuck out. I liked it a lot and you could build off it.

I enjoyed the poem, but I just didn't get into it like some other probably did. I think its because the emotion is right there in front of. I was never a big fan of 'in your face' poetry. I need to think about the theme, meaning, and stuff like that.

I think it is a good 'in your face poem'. you are detailed ,and descriptive and all those other pretty things. Go you.

| Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by Jinxed | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, Danni, that's deep. This poem portrays the ultimate betrayal of someone you loved. It also tells a story of one person actually loving someone (you) and the other simply being infatuated (David). This write is remarkable due to the sheer heart-felt emotion in the word of it.

It made me feel very sad because I have felt betrayed by someone I love as well, I'm gonna write about it soon. I'm giving you a five on this one, it was a very accomplished write. Great job, Danni!

Also, a piece of advice having nothing to do with the poem. If he betrayed you when you felt that you loved him, he never loved you. I know that may seem almost impossible to imagine and you can still think that he did or still does love you, but just remeber love doesn't fade away. If he begs you to go back out with him, as hard as it may seem, tell him no, it'll save you the pain of going through the same expirience again.

Good luck and keep it up!
| Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?