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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Distilled Spiritsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deathbelow
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 34/43/17
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 725
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 874



    Description:
       Uhh Im not really sure what this is about...I guess its about an addiction maybe alcohol or maybe something more....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDistilled Spiritsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Distilled spirits
    Bloody wine
    Only run through the hands of time
    Drowning in the cryptic sea
    Drunken with animosity
    Harboring disdain with no conviction
    Only helps feed your addiction
    And as this filth touches your lips
    To this somber sky your oblivious
    Because the sky is darkening
    And its bitter bite is worse than I've ever seen
    Your soul just drips away
    Tormented and disfigured your body lay
    the gold you taste, you indict
    the dawning run by hypocrites
    In the whirlwind of temptation and disdain
    Your fallout-integrity slain
    Distilled spirits and bloody wine
    Filled with cheap lies, once so devine
    Its sting hasnt hit, your pain so listless
    The satire is in the end,
    In this simple novelty you depend.





    Submitted on 2005-10-09 22:39:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh, I forgot to give feedback.

    I thought it was on okay read. The rhythm felt a little boxed in in places, where you'd maybe shrunk or longated lines to fit your pace?

    I like how your descriptions are not obvious.

    There is something missing here though, for me, something I can't quite put my finger on.
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by wilderness | [ Reply to This ]
      Poetry doesn't have to be so clamped with meaning. It can be structured, or more ambiguous; An outpouring of words and feelings.

    There are some typos here.
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by wilderness | [ Reply to This ]
      lalalala okay please explain to me what animosity means...not to like put you on blast or anything but i just don't know what that means. Other than that it was okay although if you don't know what the poem is about then your readers won't. It somewhat sounds like it's about an addiction but then it sounds like pure pain you know how you feel so mad at the world...yea but overall it was a really good poem.
    Much Luv and support,
    Danni
    | Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]


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