[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Distilled Spiritsdots

    Author: deathbelow
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 34/43/17
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 738
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 874

       Uhh Im not really sure what this is about...I guess its about an addiction maybe alcohol or maybe something more....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDistilled Spiritsdots

    Distilled spirits
    Bloody wine
    Only run through the hands of time
    Drowning in the cryptic sea
    Drunken with animosity
    Harboring disdain with no conviction
    Only helps feed your addiction
    And as this filth touches your lips
    To this somber sky your oblivious
    Because the sky is darkening
    And its bitter bite is worse than I've ever seen
    Your soul just drips away
    Tormented and disfigured your body lay
    the gold you taste, you indict
    the dawning run by hypocrites
    In the whirlwind of temptation and disdain
    Your fallout-integrity slain
    Distilled spirits and bloody wine
    Filled with cheap lies, once so devine
    Its sting hasnt hit, your pain so listless
    The satire is in the end,
    In this simple novelty you depend.

    Submitted on 2005-10-09 22:39:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oh, I forgot to give feedback.

    I thought it was on okay read. The rhythm felt a little boxed in in places, where you'd maybe shrunk or longated lines to fit your pace?

    I like how your descriptions are not obvious.

    There is something missing here though, for me, something I can't quite put my finger on.
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by wilderness | [ Reply to This ]
      Poetry doesn't have to be so clamped with meaning. It can be structured, or more ambiguous; An outpouring of words and feelings.

    There are some typos here.
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by wilderness | [ Reply to This ]
      lalalala okay please explain to me what animosity means...not to like put you on blast or anything but i just don't know what that means. Other than that it was okay although if you don't know what the poem is about then your readers won't. It somewhat sounds like it's about an addiction but then it sounds like pure pain you know how you feel so mad at the world...yea but overall it was a really good poem.
    Much Luv and support,
    | Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Remedies written by MyPeriodical
    Meditations one written by MyPeriodical
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by _winky_
    written by Daniel Barlow
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    HeroĆ­na written by MyPeriodical
    Survive ed - right back at the beginning written by MyPeriodical
    Instances written by hyproglo
    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]