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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Once Upon A Time...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PsychoBabble214
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 103/109/29
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 931



    Description:
       I don't cut myself anymore, but a lot of the time, when i think back on what i was thinking and feeling, its like i can almost feel the blade again... and to fight the temptation, i write. Tell me what you think. Don't bash it, just give me your thoughts and what you think i could do to improve it. There are some parts that i feel don't flow that well.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOnce Upon A Time...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once upon a time
    The midnight drawings didn't show
    I didn't have the scars
    But perfection couldnt say no

    My silver pencil is sharped
    But firmly in it's place
    Red paint has spilled
    Nothing but a trace

    Once upon a time
    The canvas was pale perfection
    Angry red lines
    Are the choice of infection

    Smooth, deep strokes
    Intoxicating till the end
    Sever the regret
    Till canvas and paint blend

    Once upon a time
    I used to create
    I designed the imperfections
    Until my body crawled with hate

    My body is my canvas
    And i paint what i feel
    Once the paint dries
    Scars will reveal

    Once Upon A Time...
    I used to be alive
    I painted myself to death...
    Waiting for the end to arrive





    Submitted on 2005-10-10 16:39:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Most cutter poems are all the same, but you made this all your own with an engaging rhythm and the wording had a rather whistful tone that softened the blow of their meaning, making the poem easier to digest. This is a surprisingly commen problem among young people, which just goes to shopw you how much the worl needs help.
    " My silver pencil is sharpened" would better begin the second stanza, but that's all I can think of for now.
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    77119

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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