I wish I could take back every trusting look,
and every single smile
I wish I could take back the way you said good-bye
and deny each and every butterfly.
I wish I could un-take
The heart I gave to you
I wish I could unbreak
The heart you broke in two.
I wish I could show you inside of me
all the anger all the hate
That I allowed you to create.
I wish I could take-back
all the regret you placed in me,
all the shame others are to blind to see.
I wish I could take back
the heart you made me break.
I wish I could untake
all the self-loathing, all the hate.
I wish i could undo
the test run I gave you.
I wish I could take back
the friendship you ruined for me,
I wish I could take back
the way you changed me,my friends couldn't see
I wish take-back's and undo's did exist for me
but it couldn't, that's not real life, for if it was,
I would have already taken back all the things you did to me
and all the regrets you left with me
This is good sam but the bad thing is you put to many i's but i told you that already. I was there when you wrote that and i was one of the first to read it after you wrote it in school. but i will tell you this it is really good.
There were a few good lines here and there, such as "I wish I could un-take / The heart I gave to you / I wish I could unbreak / The heart you broke in two." Unfortunately, there were quite a few mediocre lines that really didn't stand out. As a poet, we have to be sinister and cruel to our words. If a line isn't adding anything to the poem, we've gotta cut it. "Murder your darlings," a great poet once said.
Beyond that, there was an instance where you carried your usual two line un-broken stanza to three lines, and that caused me problems.
Submission Name: Take-Backs
