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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mysteries of the Subconsciousdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hmmmm...
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 25/39/21
    Words: 382
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Love
    Total Views: 580
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2319



    Description:
       Something like this comes along once in a while... when im really inspired and not forcing it out, to figure out what IT is. you know?? i dunno. have fun. ha


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMysteries of the Subconsciousdots
    -------------------------------------------


    **So I did the only thing i could do...

    I forgot.

    I'm closing my eyes to this.

    Remember when I painted stars in your skies??
    Oh i remember... I painted them in your eyes...

    I'm closing my eyes to this.

    Goodbye.

    I'm closing my eyes to this.

    Goodbye...

    I'm closing....my eyes....to this........ goodbye.


    ---So i'll do the only thing i can do--

    i'll forget. I'll close my eyes to this. I'll close my eyes to this. {no, i'm closing my eyes to that... to that... to that... to what???}

    Goodbye. I'm closing my eyes to this.

    Turn the page. New face, new age. Goodbye, I closed my eyes to you. I forgot. I'll forget. I forgot.

    Goodbye. I'm closing my eyes to this.

    Remember when??? Remember when?? ...........................Me Either.

    I forgot. And i'm closing my eyes to it.

    Goodbye.

    You'll love me forever. I'm closing my eyes to this.

    Goodbye. "No really, this is it. take your bags and leave." I'm closing my eyes to this.
    Goodbye. "Please, just go. Goddamnit,,, just fucking go." I'm closing my eyes to this.

    This is too much for you. I understand. Just go. I'm closing my eyes to this. Goodbye.

    """So you took your things, what little things you had, a pair of pants, two shirts, a toothbrush and some fives... and you tossed them into the large suitcase... and heaved it out the door....................................""""

    and I'm closing my eyes to this.

    Goodbye. You Don't exist to me. Goodbye.

    You never existed. Goodbye.

    "No really, this is it. take your bags and leave. Just fucking go."
    I'll call a cab.

    Goodbye. {{{{{I'M CLOSING MY EYES TO THIS}}}}}
    My eyes are shut. No peeking. Goodbye.
    ........good.....
    ............bye.





    Submitted on 2005-10-10 20:30:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this poem i perfectly understand
    finally you just became fed up with someone or something that you were totaly obsessed with
    hence the repeated use of the phrase
    goodbye i close my eyes to this

    ill bet there is not enough memory in yours and mine computer combined to write out how many times you really have said this

    by repeating those lines over and over you were letting out the memories of a bitter romance

    Believe me i understand where this write is coming from


    Take Care
    Your FRIEND
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Graeme in that the "I close my eyes to this" (along with "Goodbye") was overused a bit too much. Also, I was slightly annoyed at the presence of the F-bomb, but perhaps that's just me. Also, the increased use of the "ellipsis" (or whatever those periods in a row to simulate a pause is called) was a little annoying.

    Honestly, I started reading this thinking that I wouldn't like it at all. I recognized it immediately as one of those times when someone opens their mental faucet, takes all of the thoughts they're thinking upon the subject, and spewing them all over the paper. Those tend to be rather bad, though a good one is really good. This one was good.

    Nice job.
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Tissue | [ Reply to This ]
      U got your style and it's quite unique..so its the subconscious that's goin blah blah in your head..thatz cool,..maybe that's how it really goes inside our heads,..there's this small voice who kept reminding us to forget!forget!forget!,..just close our eyes and think of it no more..itz really cool
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by Joyce RL | [ Reply to This ]
      Well,..A bit weird I have to say,but it's good.I for random thoughts,this has a very truthful point.I can understand at what you are getting at...But,my interpetatoin of this might be different from what you intended it to be.So,here's what I think...I think that this is just you and/or your mind or your subconscious trting to block out a very painful breakup.I mean the only thing your mind CAN do is ..Block it out,try to erase that person,try to erase the pain,try to let go...
    Well,I think you did a very good job.Keep it up and don't worry.Everything may end in death but you can still have happiness while you are still alive. :D - Lindel
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. Nice way to style a piece like this, I really liked it, I just had a tiny bit of rebellion to the constant "I close my eyes to this" maybe three or four too many, not much, but enough.

    Very well done. great emotion.

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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