Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Hamletdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wretched_muse
    ASL Info:    20/f/OH
    Elite Ratio:    4 - 182/205/64
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 236
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 489



    Description:
       any thing you think i want to hear


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Hamletdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My Hamlet
    Lover of all things
    Lover to me
    Lost to the world
    To cold to care
    Confused and ashamed
    Saying all is to blame
    Singing sweet words
    Heart wrenching promises
    I left being his Ophelia
    Lost in a world
    To cold to care
    Promises broken
    Words shattered
    Tearing eyes drowned
    To an icy death
    Un known beyond’s
    Facing and end
    My lover was afraid to bear




    Submitted on 2005-10-10 21:11:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I thought I had a story going here up through the first five lines, thinking maybe Hamlet was now dead, but that took a turn and I kind of got lost after that. I pieced things together better later in trying to remember the Hamlet story.

    The refrain(?) "Lost to the world To cold to care" , and "Lost in a world To cold to care" should probably read "too cold" as in excessive, but I could be misjudging you. Also, "Facing and end" could be "an end" and Unknown is one word, beyonds may not need an apostrophe. Am I too picky?

    I do see a lot of passion, even though the setting is a "cold" one. Hamlet is, after all, a tragic figure. The faults I have mentioned are only technicial and the feeling presented is good. I suggest a little smoothing on the English (not the Dane) and it will work well.
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.